I always remember as a child, and probably everyone has done this at least once in their life, that moment where you think about breathing, and how it's funny that you do it without even thinking about it. But when you start thinking about breathing, it strangely becomes slightly harder to breathe, as you notice you're doing it instead of your body -- which naturally does it for you. It's an interesting realization and endurance, and then you go back to breathing normally again.
Having asthma is pretty much that, except the part where you feel like you have to work to breath is a reality, and it's much harder to go back to your body doing it naturally at times. It scares me so much every day that doing something humans do thousands of times a day so easily, is hard for me to do. When I was younger, I had some friends here and there that had asthma, and the stereotype that it was something "nerds" had, along with the imagination for those without it that you just breathe in a strange device occasionally, really undermined the actuality and intensity of it.
If you are a completely healthy person, be grateful every day for it because anything can happen at any time, and change everything. After I got asthma, which I never, ever anticipated would happen, and which barely runs in any of my family members, my whole life was turned around and altered, even my daily routines. I have to constantly make sure everything is spotless in my house, as even the smallest specs of dust can affect my breathing. I have to bring the least amount of supplies I possibly can to class because the heavy weight on my back can worsen my already-poor breathing. I have to avoid smokers (who I normally have no problem with), which are practically everywhere in college, and I have to be careful of even slightly dirty rooms, and dry or hot areas (even the beach!).
Developing a health issue anytime in one's life is certainly an inconvenience, but for me, I got it not only being inconvenienced but at the worst possible time in my life. Right around the time I changed my major to something I was extremely passionate towards, and afterwards got more motivated towards school and my goals than ever, asthma just happened to come into my life and hinder all that I was working towards. Thankfully, the impact towards my life and studies wasn't too huge, but it definitely took a toll on how long I could complete some assignments and tasks over the past semester. I would sleep more than I needed and would get distracted much more than I wanted to be. The moment I couldn't breathe and had to go to the ER, I feared my last year of college would be disrupted.
I feel as though my condition, which isn't usually labeled as a tough health issue, accentuates my personality to seem like a needy, high-maintenance at times. I can't hang out in certain areas, it's hard for me to be around a lot of people smoking in a small room (which is apparently everywhere in college), and I need to be weary about going in places with strong scents of perfume or candles.
I realized from this extremely unnecessary occurrence something amazing, though: how devoted to my work. Despite its extreme disruption, it can't change my motivation, because it's too great, so great in fact that it keeps me on the right track and doesn't let anything stand in my way.
On the flip-side doctors and experts say that if you weren't born with asthma, and you randomly developed later in life, that you will probably outgrow it in anywhere from a year to a few years. And I do think that if I ever outgrow it, all the crazy levels of work I am tackling right now will suddenly because so much easier, because I don't have to worry about anything unassociated with it but which distracts me to such a high degree. Again, appreciate what you have, and if you think it's easy now you never know what can happen and drastically change everything.
