Somedays are all you could have imagined and more. Everything you wrote out in your planner, post-it note, agenda, etc. was accomplished and you relished in crossing off all of the individual tasks. Everything was planned to the minute and you went to bed basking in your effectiveness. Then some days—most of the days—you feel like you’re a speck of dust in a wind storm and are being thrashed in a million different directions when ultimately you just want to join all of your dust particle friends safely on the ground.
Today I was the dust speck. I woke up late, threw on something that I hoped to goodness matched, think I brushed my hair, forgot to grab a lunch, taught all day, realized a huge assignment was due after the fact, hit my head against one of those lamps that hang low over lunch tables, spilt coffee all over myself and my car, and wore socks so when I tried to scooch my chair closer to my desk, my feet kept slipping so I just stayed in one spot—it was a pathetic sight. Yet, I sit here writing this article not upset, disgruntled, or frazzled. I feel content.
No, I’m not crazy or out of touch. I often feel content after “rough” days because I realized a little while ago that if I kept dwelling on every single thing that goes off track during my day, I would never be truly happy or relaxed. I would constantly be in a state of anxiousness that no amount of stress-relief lotion, pills, or tea could eradicate.
My first couple of years of college, I was a hot mess. I wanted to be “perfect.” I worked my back end off in classes, went after every extra-curricular activity I could, didn’t like myself, and cried my own personal puddle every night. I felt like school was the only thing I could control and I went a little overboard and was miserable.
After realizing that I was human and it was ok to not fit into a perfect mold, I started to become more relaxed. I still focused on classes since school is important, but I gave myself a break extra-circularly. I allowed the word “no” to come into my vocabulary and started getting more in tune with what made me legitimately happy. I started going on more random adventures, listened to music loudly, read a book for fun, and began eating healthier. I made time for journaling, creating lasting relationships, saving money to go on trips of a lifetime, and got more in-tune with myself. I embraced the random.
To say I am always “super chill” now would be an extreme fallacy, but I am celebrating the small steps I have made to become more content. If anyone out there reading is struggling with perfection, over-extension, or needs a floaty for their own puddle, turn on your favorite band, take a deep breath and know you are not alone. Go take a nap—you deserve it.
After the craziness of today, I found myself carrying a hot pan of corn bread down a flight of stairs to meet up with a class I teach. We started cooking a little later in the afternoon and my student needed to go finish up some things before the end of the day. I went in this morning thinking I would just do regular “teacher” things like assist students with reading and writing. I had no idea I would become a corn bread baker, but I was cool with it. I embraced the random and ended up back on the ground, safe with all of my other dust particle friends.
