Casually Dating My Way Through College Made Me Realize You Don’t ‘Lose’ Your Virginity, You Own It

When I was still a teenager, I never had a clue what social constructs were or what they truly entailed until I began college.

In one of my sociology courses, I learned that just like gender, races, and religions, virginity was a social construct. By that, virginity and everything that makes it up is fully created by society to have standards for us and normalizes it to us. It also means that virginity to each and everyone of us means something different.

Before I started casually dating guys I met on dating apps, I had the belief that the person you first have sex with is the person you lost your virginity to.

After the first time I had sex, I knew deep inside that he wasn't the person who took my virginity. He was my first sexual encounter but not the person I gave up my virginity to.

For starters, this sexual encounter happened the very first time I met the guy so it meant absolutely nothing to me and it most likely did not mean anything to him either. I wasn't in a romantic relationship with him nor did I get one from this. I didn't love him nor did it make me fall in love with him.

Hookup culture was something I wish I had never been a part of but I became an easy target as I was on dating apps that facilitate the idea of having meaningless sex and moving on to another.

It makes dating a lot harder for those who want something special and serious and in my opinion, hookup culture has ruined dating in college and as young adults. Yet because of it, my view on virginity has changed completely.

Rather than thinking that the very first sexual encounter you have is the one in which you lose your virginity, I now believe that the very first sexual encounter with a person you have a deep emotional connection with, are romantically involved with, and genuinely care for is who you ultimately lose it with.

I don't want to have society dictate what my virginity is or isn't which could've made me regret what I have done because it wasn't what I wished my overall first sexual experience to be like but it happened.

The main reason I don't regret my first time is because I changed my mindset and view on virginity.

It made me embrace and explore my sexuality rather than tear myself down because of it.

It was an experience and a life lesson all in one and if your first time isn't what you wished for, don't look down on yourself. Sex is a normal part of life and you can dictate if your virginity is in tact or not if you want to, not someone else's.