Repeat after me, “you can be sad and be grateful.” You are not being ungrateful for not being able to be happy the entire holiday season. The holidays bring out a lot of things in people, but there is this idea that happiness inherently comes with it. I don’t think I’ve ever been a fan of the holidays. It’s too much pressure on people in my opinion. It puts this unnecessary pressure to perform, to spend money, and to prove to people that you are living the life that you always apparent in your Instagram pictures.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas for my friends, but not for myself. I love seeing people happy, but I actually kind of greatly dislike the holidays as a whole. I dislike the crowded streets of people trying to get into shopping malls. I dislike the crowded stores when all I want or need is a pair of socks for the boots that the weather is finally allowing me to use. I dislike the rudeness that comes about when people don’t get what they want (can you tell I work in retail?). Did I already talk about the traffic? Because I swear holiday traffic is the worst.

I also dislike the fact that this is the only time of the year when miracles are allowed to happen or when the goodness of people is shown. I feel like this is something that needs to be a bigger deal on the daily. Like when it’s 80 degrees outside as it usually is in Louisiana.

One thing that really bothers me about the holidays is the fact that they will always feel bittersweet. There’s always a sad undertone to dinner or to Christmas morning. There’s always the feeling of someone or something missing because there usually is. The holidays bring up the people that are no longer with us to celebrate and that in itself is a sad reminder to carry throughout the holiday season. The thing is, it’s ok to be sad about the holidays. It’s ok to not even celebrate or be looking forward to them. You don’t have to go along with the idea that you have to act or behave a certain way to be thankful for the year you’ve had.

I am sad but I am grateful for every experience that this year has given me and that’s ok. I’ll get to watch my Godchild open Christmas presents and get a picture with her and Santa. I’ll get to see my friends enjoy the New Year. I’ll get to sleep in for once. I’m sad, but I’m thankful for everything, even if I don’t celebrate the holidays the way that people feel I should. I know it’ll be ok. I’ll be ok. If you’re feeling a similar way, just know you’re not alone. There’s a bunch of us just trying to get through the holiday season unscathed and that’s ok.