We all have beloved holiday traditions: baking cookies, caroling, making fun of cheesy Christmas movies…. Okay, maybe that last one is specific to me. If you’ve never watched a Hallmark Christmas movie, you are definitely missing out on some quality programming. One minute you’re watching a girl fall in love with the co-worker she said she hated two weeks ago; the next minute you’re watching the same actress fall in love with the stuffy businessman from the city she said she hated three weeks ago. As you can see, the range is truly mind-blowing. Not to mention, the stories themselves are so darn inspirational. If you thought it was too late to find yourself a date for the holidays, think again! Here are some of the best dating tips I’ve learned from my years of watching Hallmark Christmas movies.
1. Get amnesia and knock on a random stranger’s door. He will obviously invite you in to eat Christmas dinner with his family, and fall in love with you.
2. Hire someone off of Craigslist to be your fake date for the holidays, because this plan will definitely end up with you accidentally falling in love and not chopped up into tiny pieces in the trunk of some psycho’s Chevy Malibu.
3. Show up in any small town with any business aspirations whatsoever. The townspeople will inevitably talk you into quitting your job in the big, bad city you came from, but that’s okay. Who needs a career when you have the love of a guy who always wears flannel and knows how to chop wood?
4. Date someone who is really terrible to you with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The total antithesis to this person is bound to come knocking on your door just in time for the holidays!
5. Have someone in your family die. That’ll be pretty sad but you’ll definitely fall in love with the cute doctor/nurse/hospice worker who was there along the way, making you completely forget your deceased loved one. Ain’t love grand?
6. Reject a proposal. The next guy you’ll meet will definitely be "The One", and you will tell him you love him after knowing him for two weeks, and he will excitedly say it back and won’t be freaked out at all.
7. Get into a sleigh alone at night in a secluded part of the park with some dude dressed as Santa Claus. He will obviously be magical somehow and direct you to your true love, instead of murdering you and leaving your body to decompose in the woods.
8. Buy a dog. Your dog will keep bothering your neighbor’s dog. Coincidentally, your neighbor is a totally hot fireman who is also an amazing chef and completely emotionally available. Lucky you: your dog secretly knocked up your neighbor’s dog (no wonder Sadie was looking so chubby), and you all have puppies in time for Christmas!
9. Go home to your small town for the holidays. You will bump into your childhood crush who definitely isn’t working at a gas station to support his illegitimate children, but is running a soup kitchen or some other amazing humanitarian thing. Would you believe he’s single and has been holding a torch for you since he was eight years old? How romantic and completely believable!
10. Say any version of “I’ll never find someone to spend Christmas with.” Trust me: it works every time.