Heartbreak: In life you meet people. Those who are enemies, those who are friends, and those are lovers and make a special place in your heart. I have spent the last 19 years of my life picking who falls in what category; One of the hardest parts of life. The first time I fell in love, I was 16. I was naïve. I was young. My love was the Taylor Swift, football player dream song. He was sweet, cute, funny, charming, and most importantly my mom loved him. I could have sworn he was the one.
Oh how wrong I was. You first love is like taking breath after spending years underwater. So needed. So wanted. Love. Man it moves fast. One day you’re just spending time at your locker together laughing, and then next its dates, kisses, and every second spent apart are the feelings of years. Your worlds begin to revolve around one another. Every Friday nights were spent cheering for him on the football sidelines with his number written on your face so every girl or competition knew they couldn’t compete with what you had. Our love was unbreakable, unstoppable. Or at least that’s what I believed.
The words “I love you” quickly became everything. The words “I’m going to marry you” became everything. Love builds your confidence up as high as it can be. You feel worthy. You feel strong. You feel wanted. You feel loved. And why shouldn’t you be? That’s what it’s supposed to be like when you’re in love. But what do you do when it’s all over. Never once during your relationship did you think “What do you do when its gone “When it all goes away. When all you’re left with memories, maybe even his old sweatshirt with a weak smell of him and a promise ring. At first you’ll be “okay”. You’ll have your friends. You’ll have teammates. You’ll have your family. You’ll try to move on fast to forget the pain and numbness you’re actually feeling. But then you find yourself scrolling through pictures or old text messages at 4 am listening to breakup music wondering how is it possible you could get this low.
The worst part is you’re crying alone. Crying alone, scared. Crying alone, scared, and feeling unworthy. You find yourself running in the opposite direction then where the love you thought you had was going to take you. Once it sinks in that your love isn’t coming back, that’s when you begin to question yourself. You ask yourself “Did he cheat on me because I wasn’t good enough?” “Am I pretty enough?” “Did I not kiss him as good as she did?” “Did I not move fast enough”, “Am I not skinny enough,” and most importantly, “Will I ever be good enough to be loved.” For a while your heart will long for that love again. You’ll wake up every morning wishing for a good morning text and you’ll find yourself falling a sleeping hoping for a sweetdreams text. You tell yourself one more kiss, one more hug, one more text, even one more conversation. You’ll keep telling yourself “I need answers.”
But you don’t. You have every answer you need. Its not because you weren’t good enough, or you didn’t move fast enough it’s simply because you are you. You are the only one is this world that is you. You are pure. You are strong. And you are simply special. That one boy that is crushing you is not worthy of your love. That one boy that cheated on you is not worthy of your commitment to only him.
That one boy who left you because you valued your purity is not worthy of your pureness and faith. And that one boy who was just stupid enough to leave a girl like you, is not worthy of you simply because he is stupid. You love hard. You love like there’s no tomorrow. You love like you’re the only girl in the world that can save that lost boy. But don’t save him, save yourself.
Keep your faith, keep your pureness, and keep that love you’re dying to give to someone, because someday, just someday someone will love you that hard back. They are better as a memory than as your man.
