“You lose respect when you demand respect.”
Maybe you've heard this before. Maybe you've agreed with it. Or maybe this is your first time coming across the words.
The sentence came from Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel, author of the book Psychology of Friendship for Leadership. Her sentence reflects the idea that honesty isn't always the exactly the best policy, and can be more damaging than healing.
Respectfully, I must absolutely disagree with her. And here's why.
Respect happens when it is established. It happens when feelings get out into the open – no matter how messy they all are. And when feelings are out in the open, that’s when conversations can start happening. It’s when wounds stop festering and finally begin to heal. When listening is the primary action taking place, it opens the pathway to understanding. And understanding is the foundation of respect.
We are not mind-readers. We don’t always know the impact of our words or of our choices. And we can’t stand idle when the people we care about do or say things that hurt us. That’s how behaviors become patterns. Actions become habits. And before we know it, we’re involved in a toxic relationship.
Speaking up serves as a healthy reality-check. One that we all need every now and then because we’re human beings. We make mistakes in our relationships and that’s okay. They’re bound to happen.
But keep in mind that we all deserve to be respected in every relationship we’re in. We also must remember to respect those we care about as well. Respect, after all, is an effect of love. But it doesn’t happen in the quiet.
So don’t ever let anybody convince you otherwise.If you don’t draw a line and create your boundaries, they’ll always be crossed.
When you do draw that line, you do, in fact, get respect. And if you don’t? They weren’t the right people to keep around in the first place.
Choose what you subject yourself to. Be respectful of yourself by showing respect and expecting it in return.
