Rape is a scary word. But rape is not only scary. Rape is the number one worst thing you could ever wish onto someone or do to someone. Rhetoric surrounding rape is rather sexist. The phrase, “Teach our sons not to rape,” is thrown around a lot. While it makes sense to teach people about consent, that phrase ignores that women are just as capable of rape.
You may have heard the phrase 'rape culture' before, and you probably have an idea of what it is. If you don’t: Rape Culture is defined as, “An environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.” Rape Culture is pervaded by the media’s constant jokes about female sexuality and male sexual prowess.
We live in a society that treats boys like they should be proud of any and all of their sexual encounters -- even the ones which they regret or didn’t want to partake in. A babysitter with an 11-year-old boy might violate the boy, and when/if the boy tells his parents or friends (usually friends) looking for comfort, he often will run into a wall of praise for getting on base with someone older.
However, it isn’t only the Mrs. Robinson trope. Boys are looked at as sexual predators and girls are seen as sexual prey, but when roles are switched, the boys -- who are supposed to be the predator in a heteronormative society (ours) -- are congratulated for the sex they didn’t want to have.
A few years ago, Shia LaBeouf held an art exhibit called #IAMSORRY in which he sat still in a room, silently, for hours while he faced his fans and critics. One woman took advantage of LaBeouf.
He recounts to Cinema Blend, “One woman who came with her boyfriend, who was outside the door when this happened, whipped my legs for ten minutes and then stripped my clothing and proceeded to rape me…There were hundreds of people in line when she walked out with disheveled hair and smudged lipstick. It was no good, not just for me but her man as well.”
LaBeouf’s rape was not nearly as publicized as Kim Kardashian-West’s, possibly and probably because he identifies as male, but it should be recognized that he was raped. The people that heard about it congratulated LaBeouf. They said that he should be so happy that so many women think he’s attractive enough to have sex with. The people who say so are the ones responsible for rape culture.
Recently, robbers in France broke into Kim Kardashian-West’s private apartment, tied her up and stole much of her belongings. Kardashian-West is a petite woman. She thought the robbers were planning on raping her.
Fast forward to the news breaking that she had been robbed at gunpoint: Many -- too many -- commenters said things like, “If I were the robbers, I would’ve gotten a piece of that ass.” The outrageous comments made towards Kim’s sexuality are abhorrent.
Kim has posed nude for many things, including Instagram and Playboy, but that has always been a consensual agreement between two parties -- Kim and the photographer. The sex tape release was/is a form of sexual violence against Kardashian-West because she did not consent to the release.
To put it simply, Rape Culture ignores boys. It focuses on female victims while ignoring the reality that boys are victims of Rape Culture in the similar/not the same ways. Rape Culture tends to focus on teaching the victims not to get raped, instead of teaching the rapist not to rape. A rapist who feels guilty for raping someone behind a dumpster will feel somewhat absolved of his guilt if he sees that someone else got away with it, because they are the swim teams 'star athlete.'
The culture treats boys like they are imbecilic animals who can’t control themselves. The phrase, "Boys will be boys,” comes to mind.
'Boys will be boys' is bullshit.
The phrase excuses all men (not just rapists and sexual predators) from the responsibility of their actions. Boys, guys, men, whatever you call them, are humans! They have free will! The sight of a pretty girl (or guy) is not enough to drive anyone out of that free will. A guy can control himself. So, when we say, “Boys will be boys,” we are calling boys too stupid to be able to control themselves when encountered with another human being, which is unfair to men who have always tried to take responsibility for their actions.
This is not the 1950s. Boys who cook dinner for their families are just that. They aren’t 'Mr. Mom,' they are contributors to society and their families, and they should be held responsible for their actions -- instead of holding women responsible for their own physical and emotional rape.
Women are not the only civilized humans. Give men respect by holding them to their actions.
