1. Be intrigued by the idea of a relationship more than a person. Convince yourself that you are not desperate and that you just want something more in your life. With the mentality that you are not desperate, judge individuals based on the potential for this relationship instead of your feelings.
2. Start to look for someone who looks good online. Online dating, in many ways, has changed the dating culture. It was an excellent way to evaluate these potentials and begin a conversation without the pressure of meeting in person. This allows you to create a version of yourself that you wish you were.
3. I started to date. A walk in the park, meeting up for coffee, a drink, a movie, you name it.
4. Instead of creating a meaningful connection that is filled with colors, live out what the movies and books have taught you what dating should look like. Don’t worry about your emotions, but follow the steps of a relationship:
Week one - communicating daily after the infatuation you have from the first date
Week two - start to see each other at least twice a week
Week three - (if you haven’t already) have sex
Week four - have the awkward conversation
Week five - say “I love you” without necessarily meaning it
5. Allow the relationship to be a part of your life. Introduce this person to your friends and family. Now that you have an audience, try to put on a convincing role of intimacy by kissing each other on the cheeks, holding hands, exchanging looks, etc.
6. Make sexual activities a priority. Every time you meet each other should lead to some type of interaction that gives you pleasure. Plan your relationship around this activity and always take sexual intimacies over emotional ones.
7. Avoid deep and meaningful conversations. Vulnerability should be kept to a minimum. Spending a lot of time together in a private setting could lead to the risk of having a deep connection, so avoid it at all cost. Instead, further your dating roles. Do anything that offers the illusion of a connection without the need to offer up the personal information (i.e. sharing a favorite TV show).
8. Be honest about your negative emotion and stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. At this point in the relationship acknowledge that something doesn’t feel right. Even while you cuddle all night while watching another episode of Game of Thrones, something doesn’t feel right. Even if any presence of emotional intimacy doesn’t pleasure you, know that this is normal. Keep these feelings hidden, as they will not fit the facade of a relationship you have created.
9. Spend less time together. Slowly begin to prolong the time between dates, or texts. You can use the excuse that you’re busy. If he/she wants to discuss this distance, say that you need alone time to figure things out.
10. Hold back any emotional pleas. At this point, this person will feel you both are drifting apart and attempt to take more direct actions toward strengthening this perceived bond between you.
11. End the relationship. This may or may not take a long time. Begin by requesting some time apart from the relationship. Ignore texts, phone calls, and any other contact. Do not establish a set timetable. Wait for him/her to approach you during the time apart. When the time comes, officially declare that the relationship is over. Offer a vague reasoning: you have stuff to figure out, you’re busy, or the classic “it’s not you, it’s me”.
12. Continue to live your life, until you realize what you have done when the day comes that someone breaks your heart. I never felt the pain I’ve given to others until it was given to me. It is not pretty. You might have gotten to this step, or you might one day. Wherever you might be on this list, know that there is nothing to be proud about to know that you have hurt someone from your desperation for love, and closure.
