Suffocating pain indwelling deep in your heart... Swallowing your worst secrets. 

When tears swell up in your face and slowly make their way down your cheek & the pain of holding back your tears just aches your throat. A strong burning sensation bubbling within your stomach as anxiety begins to peek. It feels like your dying inside from the stress that starts to contract the heart from beating. 

The mindset of where you are at-you tear your old scars open & far apart to where they never heal...screaming for love while everyone walks past you, feeling shattered, ashamed, and helpless. Thoughts roll through your mind like a train, “What else am I supposed to do? This life is worthless to me?”

      With great excitement you reach for the knife, while everyone ponders their dreams, you're drowning in your worst nightmares. Cutting out the memories, the feelings and all hope that was left. Biting  your lip while blood flows out, whipping your tears as they drop from your cheek into your blood. Mixing together so happily .. Flowing off your arm and onto the flawless silk sheets. As you feel your eyes roll in the back of your head-your body escapes life.

Feeling the numbness as you awake the next day with mascara smeared on your rosy cheeks and your arm bloody. Most of the blood has coagulated by now, but no sense of feeling in my body anymore. Your heart is broken & the pillow is full of bodily fluids and your mind full of your worst most sacred insecurities. Waiting to get out, wanting to scream out. Wishing they had somewhere to go. To feel. To love.

Your wanting to escape life created an urge of hormones. You begin to reach for the knife. Swarming your life with numbing pain, you began cutting your thigh while there is blood still ever so slowly dripping off your arm. Crying, yelling out for Jesus to help. Pulling out your hair. Punching the bed. Throwing things at the wall. Hearing glass break. It all just enables your heart to shatter even more, the anger built up inside grows upon your weary soul. Blood pressure rises, heart starts pumping faster, your body begins to twitch, your lungs are failing in a pool of blood-my friend you cut too deep. As you realize what's going on you run to the kitchen. On your first step you fall to the ground, your sight becomes black and you are no longing breathing consistently. Your mind is crying out “Help!” but the crevices of your mouth won’t open. The energy built up is no longer there anymore.

The mind within you seeps off as there's a loud knock on the door. The voice sounds familiar- a young lady, that is your best-friend! She is yelling for you, but...where are you?

           Cassandra Reynolds