Let’s face it. Shit happens. Everyone, at some point in their life, will run into something that stops them dead in their tracks. This may be a big break-up with the man or woman who you thought was your forever. It may be losing someone who was special to you. It may even be failing a test you studied for for what felt like an eternity. The fact of the matter is that, unfortunately, we will all grieve for something eventually. But how we grieve and how we HEAL is completely unique and personal. As the great Einstein would say, "It's all relative!"
At the age of 19, I lost my father to suicide. When I first heard the news (granted the way i found out was farely traumatic) I was so struck with sorrow that I fell to the floor and exploded into a pile of tears for what felt like hours. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything but cry. But once I had come back to the surface and wiped my eyes, that was it. I've cried here and there for an assortment of reasons but for the most part I had finished my mourning.
Please don't mistake this for me being cold. My father was one of my favorite people in the whole world. But I had decided that crying got me nowhere, therefor I would not waste my time with it. In the next few days it felt as if I had dreamed it and I was waiting to just wake up, but I never did. Following this, I built up a wall of sorts. I didn’t, and still don’t, allow myself to feel the loss completely.
Is the way I have handled this healthy? Is it the right thing to do? Why did I chose to go about it this way? The answer is.. I don't know. The worst part is that I never will. You see, the way we feel is always relative to the individual. Even the situation a person is in will feel different to different people at different times.
I have been known to be a little bit of a mother figure to my friends. When they are hurting I often tell them that when you're young, everthing seems to be the end of the world. Obviously, we all know that it isn't but just because you know that it won't be your unravelling, it doesn’t make you feel any better right now.
People handle things in the best way they know how. That doesn’t make them right or wrong. It just makes them.. them. Some people hide away from the world. Some people call in the troops and shovel their way through a tub of ice cream while talking it all out. Some people post on social media in hopes they will receive reassurance because this makes them feel better. Some people, like myself, grieve quickly. Others take their time and feel it all out. No matter how you grieve (or don't) it is essential to do what feels right to YOU. That is all you can do.
