Is it just me, or does it seem that self-love and knowing what exactly you deserve are becoming concepts that are frequently brushed aside?
Whether it is in regards to romantic relationships or friendships, I'm afraid too many people are getting into dangerous cycles of abuse. I'm not talking about physical abuse, or even blatant verbal abuse, but an under-the-radar yet very real type of emotional abuse. I cannot tell you how many friends of mine or people I've talked to have made it clear: they have friends that are treating them terribly, or are chasing a boy that does not care at all about them. They are giving everything to a relationship of some kind and the person is not returning that effort. I myself have experienced this. I cannot tell you how many "friendships" in my life have ended simply because I was giving myself fully to the friend and they really were not at all. I opened myself up and trusted the person and they didn't even make an effort to be my friend unless I was the first one to make the move to text them or ask them to hang out. And after awhile of having a one-sided friendship, I get exhausted and frustrated of being the only one who cares. So I give up, and the friendship dies because the other person was never in it to begin with. It is painful, and no fun whatsoever, but those friendships have taught me something: I deserve more. And so do you.
"Perks of Being a Wallflower" says it best: "We accept the love we think we deserve." If we think we deserve nothing, we will accept it when someone treats us like trash. We will accept it when someone walks all over us, tramples our self-love, and leaves a trail of our pain behind them without a care. However, if we realize that we deserve more, we will raise our standards and only accept what we know we deserve. It's not just with friendships, either. I see so many girls today that are going after guys that have no interest in giving them the kind of love and attention they deserve, and vice versa. They have resigned themselves to only deserving the lackluster love of that individual, or they think there is nothing better out there. But guess what? I deserve more than some guy who is only going to be there for me on the days that work for him, I deserve more than a relationship that I have to chase to make it work. I deserve more than a boy who is just going to mess with me emotionally. And so do you.
This is why we have got to raise our standards, and realize that having a guard up is not always a bad thing. Having your guard up doesn't simply mean that you're shutting someone out and refusing to get close. It is more about being selective and maybe not opening up emotionally to that guy who just used a pickup line on you, maybe not opening up emotionally to the biggest gossip just because you need a friend to talk to. It is so liberating and wonderful to truly know that you deserve better than these people disguised as friends and significant other material. Sometime last year I decided to raise my standards and raise my guard because I was sick of getting hurt by fake friends and it is the smartest thing I've done. I finally feel like I have friends that I love who love me in return.
Once our standards are raised, and we truly know that we are worth more and deserve more, it may become more difficult to make friends and find a significant other. I'm not going to lie. However, the friends and maybe even boyfriend or girlfriend we do meet is going to be someone that we can feel is going to live up to our expectations, if not exceed them. I'm not saying to expect to meet someone who is perfect in every way. But if you raise your standards and keep your wits about you, you're going to be surrounded by people who truly love you, care about you, and want to spend time with you. Instead of going out with the guy/girl you met that one time you were drunk, maybe choose to grab dinner with the guy/girl who always makes witty comments in your Spanish class. Pursue friendship with people who make the effort in return--people that you really like, and who share your values, but who also enjoy your company as well. There is nothing worse than a one-sided or forced friendship; they're a recipe for disaster.
I promise, that girl who broke your heart is not the only girl in the world. Those friends who were shallow and excluded you are not the only kinds of friends there are in the world.
Lastly, thank you to anyone who has been a genuine friend to me. Thank you to anyone who has made an effort to be there for me. Thank you to my best friends--the true ones, not the fakes. I love you guys. And thank you to anyone who has been a terrible friend to me, or who has left me behind, or who has made me think less of myself. You taught me that I am worth more, I deserve more, and that I will search for more and settle for nothing less.
Keep your head high and your standards even higher.
