Honestly, it’s extremely difficult being in a long distance relationship. Especially when you were together physically for about four months, it’s hard to part ways for a long period of time and only get to see them maybe every 3-4 months. Another thing it’s also hard to be in a relationship with someone who has anxiety. As someone who didn’t have a clue about real anxiety until I met my fiancée, it was a transition and learning experience. It still is a learning experience and I’m learning more and more each and every day how to help someone who has clinical depression and anxiety.
Having depression and anxiety doesn’t make someone unlovable, it doesn’t mean that they’re broken beyond repair, it doesn’t mean they’re incapable of loving someone else. It doesn’t mean any of that, that just means you have the obligation and delight to give a little more love, a little more care, have a little more patience. Be the one who makes their anxiety and depression a little more tolerable. Be the reason why they don’t need to have so much meds, or such a high dosage. Be the reason that helps them sleep better at night, rather than relying on anti-anxiety meds. Not going to lie, the meds are a crucial part in being able to function but that depends on the person, everyone is different and no one copes with anxiety and or depression alike.
There is no 101 guide on being with someone who has anxiety or depression, sometimes even both. One may be more problematic than the other, but that doesn’t mean you ignore that issue just because it isn’t a problem or a constant in their daily life. This just means you have the ability to grow and learn about this person in their most vulnerable state and help them rise back up. The littlest words of encouragement can be the reason why they’re smiling today, the pat on the back can brighten up their life in a time of darkness, you never know what actions or word you may do that can greatly impact them. This is when you learn a lot about yourself, how many different ways you can show compassion, love, feelings, give encouragement. You learn how much understanding you can achieve just by trying to help.
This road isn’t easy, it really isn’t. In fact, because of lack of education I have on anxiety and depression, I tend to butt heads a lot with my other half. I lacked the sympathy needed to help reduce her anxiety or depression at the time. I grew from that; I grew from my mistakes. There is nothing better than running into an issue, talk about it, learn from the mistake and helping others along the way to improve their own way of dealing with similar issues. Being physically together can help a lot positively, I noticed that my fiancée’s anxiety and depression tends to be less apparent and more manageable when we are physically together vs when we are literally physically apart in opposite sides of the United States.
People with anxiety and depression may have (not always) a sense of paranoia, a gut feeling that no one likes them, or that they bother people too much, or that they feel like a burden. After a while you learn that the gestures and words you tell someone who has anxiety/depression means a lot more than you think. A simple gesture like holding hands, giving a hug and just looking at them straight in the eye can give and provide so much comfort to them. No one realizes how much a small gesture means to someone who has anxiety/depression. It gives them a sense of belonging that has much more meaning to them than the average person. Calling them your love one, spouse, fiancé, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, significant other, and etc., can be so much more than a title. It can give them hope that they will be able to have a normal, or average relationship in their eyes.
If you are someone who is in a relationship or know someone who is with someone who has anxiety or depression, maybe even both just know that no one is broken beyond repair, everyone is capable of loving each other, communication is key, as well as the open mind to understand multiple perspective, and never giving up. Don’t give up on someone because you don’t know how to help them. You will learn in your own terms how to help them, everyone has different ways to cope and help their loved ones.
