Ah, spring. There are so many beautiful things that come along when the springtime arrives -- bright flowers, baby animals, bright colors, warm weather, spring break. Well, you get it. And hey, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love all of those things as much as the next person. But to me, spring brings a boat load of not-so-great things as well, and I'm not just talking about finals week or the buckets of rain that pour into the streets.
March 30, 2012. I don't remember how the weather was that day, but it was a Friday, so I'm sure I wasn't complaining. I was just a junior in high school who was ecstatic about attending my first prom the next day. But when I got home from school, I walked into a situation that will forever be burned into my mind. I saw my mom, just lying motionless on the couch. She didn't feel well, but she just blamed it on "old age," even though she was only 46. But when she stood up, only to fall to her knees without being able to regain her strength, I had a feeling she wasn't just getting old.
As hours went by with my mom at the ER, my little siblings and I didn't catch much sleep. After she and my dad returned home, the house fell quiet until the next morning. It was prom day. But I couldn't get myself to even want to go. After some persistence from Mom, of course I had to go, although my heart wasn't fully in it. As I had my hair and make up done, and had my little sister zip up my dress, our mom remained on the couch without much to say.
Fast-forward to April 10. "I have cancer." was not what any of us were expecting to hear when she came home from the doctor for what we thought was kidney stones. April showers are a thing, right? I definitely saw plenty of tears shower that April. This was the first time I can remember seeing my dad cry. And my older brothers as well. But it definitely wasn't the last. Mom lost her battle to cancer later that year, giving us one beautiful guardian angel.
Now, every spring all I can think about is the spring of 2012 and how that was when my entire world was turned upside-down. I don't think about the bright flowers or the bright colors that surround me. I think about seeing my mom crying, telling me she was more scared of leaving her family than of the illness killing her. I think about my dad being so brave for us, when I knew how badly he was hurting too.
But I also think about my classmates, and my entire school, being so supportive. I think about the prayers we received from the community. I think about every moment, big or small, that I had with my mom that helped shape me into who I am. I can now appreciate the brightness that spring brings because I have been through the darkness.
Spring brings some pretty hard memories. However, it also reminds me not to dwell on dark times, but to learn from them. I see the world in color now, and it's the best feeling.
"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." -- Albus Dumbledore
I love and miss you so much, Mom. Thank you for showing me the brightness in the world. Rest easy, pretty lady.
