Why do we hate ourselves after a breakup?
Four years of memories, laughter, and the development of a strong connection, and here I am. Alone. The one person I banked on turned out to be the one person I no longer needed in my life. Notice I am not talking about myself? Why, after a breakup, do people think that their world is over? Of course, the obvious reasons like heartbreak, losing someone important to you and having to come to the conclusion that what we thought was forever, was actually temporary. But did we lose ourselves? In my case, yes I did lose myself. Since we feel like we have no one, we tend to forget that the most important person in our lives is ourselves.
Relationships that typically don’t last involve someone losing who they are. I was young and in love and I lost sight of what I truly wanted in life. He was handsome and mysterious and we fell so fast. I became to transform myself into the type of girl I knew he wanted. I convinced myself that I was that girl. Who needs school? Who cares about future plans? Let’s live in the present. But who was I kidding, I was not like that. I have a whole timeline for my life that was suddenly disappearing because I fell in love with someone who did not have the same outlook as me.
One day I looked into the mirror and asked myself if this is what I really wanted. Who was I? What are we? I looked into the mirror and saw someone who was tired, frowning, over weight and a girl who did not fully recognize herself anymore. After the breakup, I went right back to the mirror and saw someone who was lifeless. I then convinced myself that I was nothing without him. He was my reason for smiling, he was my reason for enjoying life. All I wanted to do was focus on everything negative about myself.
Why do we do this? There’s an old saying that states “You must learn to love yourself before you can be loved by anyone else.” I never focused on myself in the relationship, everything was about him. I loved him, therefore I thought I loved myself. But I was wrong. The best thing to do after a breakup is to work on self-confidence. Now that I lost “my whole world” I need to build it back up.
I am strong, I am smart and I will find someone, but first I need to find myself.
