It's Saturday at 9:45 p.m. and I have a terrible case of writer's block. To be honest, this week has flown by and I didn't even realize I still had an article to write. As I struggle to meet the 11 p.m. deadline for this week's article, I find myself lacking the amount of creativity needed to write something witty and enjoyable. The only topic I can think of to write about is my hate for birds. Let's roll with that.
I hate birds.
When I was a little girl, my babysitter took me to a local pond to feed the ducks. Ducks are fine, I don't mind ducks. When we arrived at the pond we noticed an absence of ducks and an abundance of geese. I didn't think much of it, so I approached the pond with a big smile and a loaf of bread. This is where my fear of birds started. After one goose got a taste of the bread, more and more geese began to swarm me, and I was really not cool with this. It was me versus the birds. My babysitter told me to run away because I was a 5-year-old about to be attacked by these birds, and so I threw the loaf of bread at the flock and ran as fast as I could. This was only the beginning.
In middle school, my bus home from school would drop me off at the end of my very long driveway. Throughout most of the school year, I would walk up to my house without a problem, but during the spring, the geese came. Because of my childhood interactions with these horrific birds, I was absolutely terrified of geese. I still am. So there I was, 12 years old, hands nervously clutching the straps of my backpack, eyeing each bird around me as I slowly walked up the driveway to my house. I just knew these birds had it out for me.
When I was in high school, my parents and I moved to New York City. While I loved The Big Apple, I could not get over my fear of birds enough to tolerate the mass amounts of pigeons on every corner of every street. One day my best friend came to visit me and I was so excited to walk around the city with her. This excitement quickly turned into disappointment when a rogue pigeon decided that the top of my head would be the target of their next bowel movement. Yeah, I got pooped on by a pigeon. This incident only further increased my hatred of birds.
So that's why I hate birds. I probably shouldn't discriminate against all birds... I really just hate geese and pigeons. But show me one person that doesn't hate geese and pigeons. They're the worst. All I wanted when I was a girl was to just feed the ducks. But no. A flock of geese came around to ruin my day and establish a fear into my head that is still with me today. That's my article. It's 10:20, and I beat the deadline. See you all next week.
