It is said that nearly one in five people in America suffers from mental illness in a given year. That means that whether you are aware of it or not, you probably know and love someone who is struggling with one or multiple mental illnesses. Mental illness is not easy to live with, whether you are a person who suffers from it, or one who loves someone with it. The hard reality is that, for many, it is an unavoidable and an extremely harrowing part of everyday life. The worst part? It's invisible. It is a nearly inexplicable sickness of the mind that many times consumes the true character of a person and replaces it with a shell, both exhausted and defeated.
Absolutely nothing is more miserable than knowing that someone you love is suffering from a disease they cannot control. For the majority of my life, I have witnessed someone whom I love very deeply suffer through periods of time when tasks as facile as getting out of bed became insurmountable, and days so dark that life seemed devoid of reason or purpose. These are trademark symptoms of major depressive disorder (or depression), which is a condition millions of people suffer from, yet it is a concept so alien to many so-called normal people because many of the symptoms, such as chronic fatigue, disguise a very serious internal problem by making it seem more like laziness than an actual disease. Similar things can be said about the vast majority of other mental illnesses, and though there are ways to manage a broken mind, it is extremely hard to cure, if at all possible. Because of this, there is a largely negative stigma surrounding those who suffer from these diseases and beliefs like, "it's all in their head" have become a huge part of society's problem with the mentally ill.
The hard reality of all of this, is that it is all in their head. The real problem lies within the minds of people who do not understand what they have not experienced. Just because you can't see what goes on inside someone else's head does not make it any less real.
Many people have asked me what it's like to live with someone who suffers from a mental illness, and have praised me for my patience and love for a person so broken. People do not intend to offend me by doing this, and I am not truly offended. However, I always respond the same way when that happens, and that is to say that although I appreciate the kindness behind the words, it should be redirected to the person suffering from the actual illness. Yes, of course it's difficult to watch and live with someone who cannot see much happiness or positivity in life, but they are not trying to seek attention nor are they throwing themselves a pity party. To live with a mental illness like depression is a horrifyingly impossible uphill battle, and unless you have lived with it yourself, it is very hard to understand other people who have.
To combat some of the stigma in a more visual way, I would ask people to imagine a person with a different ailment, like a broken bone. You wouldn't say to a person with a broken leg, "Just walk it off, it's all in your leg," because it doesn't make any sense. Just because you can't see the fracture does not mean that it isn't there.
You say, "But Emily -- broken bones can be fixed! Why can't we really fix diseases of the mind?" and to you I say that there are diseases like cancer that have proven to be incredibly difficult to cure, but it doesn't make them any less real. In fact, it is what makes them so much scarier. Millions of people die from cancer, which has no solid cure, just like many people suffer from mental illnesses that have no one cure and, often times, are difficult to treat and medicate. In the same sense, some people are able to manage their illness, but sometimes those who are not as fortunate can go into a "remission" of sorts, which is a characteristic very similar to cancer. You wouldn't give up hope on someone who has cancer, knowing the physical symptoms even if there is no true cure, just like you shouldn't give up on a person with a mental illness just because it can be difficult, or nearly impossible, to treat.
To some people, my words would seem like overkill -- there are plenty of people who understand that mental illness does not define a person. However, there are still many who do not understand and do not know how to handle or love someone with a mental illness.
I encourage people to discuss this issue in order to combat the negative stigma surrounding mental illness, and educate those who do not personally know about mental diseases. Because the hardest reality of loving someone with a mental illness is that, despite knowing that they are constantly suffering from something they cannot control, there are still people who believe that "it's all in their head."
