I finished this spring semester with an upper divisional exam in the school of music, in which I played some Bach movements of a suite, and a movement of a famous Brahms sonata. For those who may not be familiar with this terminology, I basically played fifteen minutes of material for a panel of judges who decide whether or not my progress at this prestigious school is conducive to another two years of studying.

By some miracle, I have passed and will be continuing my studies at the Jacobs School of Music!

Following my exam, I met with my cello professor, and we discussed my performance, my growth from the beginning of my sophomore year to the present, and my plans for the summer, as well as the two years left of college. Though all good things were brought up, he asked me, "Are you motivated by the growth process, or the end result?" And, with some hard thinking, it occurred to me that I seem to always motivate myself to the end result: "I have to finish this sonata by upper divisionals. I need to learn this piece for my jury."

But what happens after? Do I just stop playing cello? (What a concept) Do I jack around on some random pieces until I find what I want to do? Do I practice for fun??

This revelation has racked my brain as I frantically try to tie up loose ends, pack for the summer, and generally get my life back together after almost falling apart due to a grueling semester (tybg that it's over).

I've found the root of this problem deep in the American education system, that has brought me up since diapers, and put on a facade that they are equipping me with knowledge for a bright and successful future. But when I think about school, I kind of want to punch myself in the throat.

As previously stated in my earlier articles, my academic career in high school was detrimental to my health, because I was constantly obsessed with getting high marks and succeeding on benchmarks and exams, and I wasn't taking the time to enjoy the material I was learning. Let me tell you that no one gets excited about learning information quite like I do, but the goal of my classes was not to enlighten me about the wonders of the world that encompass educational knowledge. It was to see how much information I could memorize in a certain amount of time to vomit onto a page in the right way, wording, and context. And for someone who is far from Type A, this never seemed to work out.

I'd like to think that I'm intelligent. When it comes to learning, I really do want to learn, regardless of the subject. AP physics my junior year of high school was actually the bane of my existence, but the study of physics is one of the coolest things I ever got to learn. Sure, I know I,definitely didn't get a passing grade on my exam (even though I ended up with a 70 flat in the class), but even my teacher knew that I cared about what I was learning, even if I wasn't able to reproduce it in a 50-minute time frame.

Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do, because the American public education system is this vast framework of bureaucracy and old white men who believe that science and math are more important than creativity and the growth of the future of America. Though I could write multiple dissertations about arts education in this country of ours, the bottom line is that we have distorted the idea of education into this institution where you are forced to learn information for a test, rather than for the sake of knowing it, and your health and well being are probably going to be compromised.

Though I've digressed into a major rant about the public education system (that I will be fighting until the end of time), the point I'm trying to make is this: the idea of learning information is organic - you are becoming aware of knowledge that you weren't previously exposed to - and you now have the ability to use that information in any medium that you want. But it should never be confined to a deadline or a test. We need to embrace all of the learning that is possible - in any way, shape, or form - and celebrate the information itself, rather than how much we can use it to prove how "smart" you are. Knowledge is an untouchable part of life that can enhance the world around you, and the process of learning it is much more rewarding than a grade on an exam.

Please remember that grades do not define your intelligence! You are all capable of your own feats, and your knowledge about the world is incredible and important.