All growing up, I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've heard phrases that encapsulate the misunderstandings surrounding kids and adults with special needs. Anyone who has siblings or children with special needs have, in all likelihood, experienced this as well. These are just a few, but there are so, so many more out there.

"Y'all must be such special people to raise special needs children."

While this is flattering, it's also kind of weird to be on the receiving end of it. It's not like we're saints, or better than anyone else; we're just accepting what we've been dealt. This phrase also seems to imply that having kids with special needs is always a dream, and that we're special people and they're special people with special needs so our lives must be extra special and wonderful. That, or we're extra patient because it must be a nightmare sometimes raising less-than-fully-functioning people. Well, it doesn't exactly work like that.

Sometimes it's awesome, and funny, and sweet, and wonderful. And sometimes it's so hard you want to collapse into a heap of tears. Sometimes it's loving and warm and fuzzy, and sometimes you want to yell your head off because you're so frustrated. It's hard. And just because we do it every day doesn't make us some sort of super person. It just helps us grow in our empathy, patience (most of the time), and a lot of other skills that we fail at often, that the public eye just doesn't see.

"Shhh, they're special needs!"

I know that it's hard to know how to react when you see, meet, or experience someone with special needs sometimes. It can sometimes be uncomfortable if you're not used to it. And sometimes people pick on kids with special needs -- especially once they enter young adulthood --so to defend them you tell the person, "Shhh, they're special needs!" as if it's something on the down low that is something to be ashamed of. But the thing is, in most cases, most everyone is aware that the person you're speaking of has special needs. And yes, has special needs. They are not special needs. They have special needs. That is a big, very important difference. One is demeaning, the other is accurate.

"Retarded."

I know that there's a huge campaign against this word, and I think rightly so, but it doesn't seem to be doing much in preventing people from using it. So often --like a couple of times a week -- I hear someone I know use this word and it's pretty offensive. Here's why:

When you call something retarded, or say "that's retarded" or "he's so retarded" etc, you're using it in place of the word 'stupid'. Now the legal term for people with mental disability has been 'retarded' for some time (though they may have changed it in recent years). If this word that, in its proper meaning, usage, and context, refers to persons with mental disabilities, applying the meaning of 'stupid' to the word is demeaning and offensive. It belittles their disability to mere stupidity, even though that may not be the speaker's original intention.

Though these are just three of the many, there are so many misconceptions about people with special needs and living with them. I've learned that there are so many different kinds of special needs from all over the spectrum, and they each carry with them their own set of difficulties, both for the person and for their families.

It's incredibly hard to see your sister as she looks like a neuro-typical teenager, and still have to constantly and actively remember that she has several different disabilities that cause her to function around a 6 year old level in some realms, a 19 year old in other realms, and an old woman in others. It's incredibly hard to have a conversation with your brother or one of your other sisters and say one thing wrong and get verbally spewn at and land yourself on their metaphorical hate-list, but know that you have to actively love them anyways.

But it's also incredibly fun to be sitting around the table and have your sister say something and spend the next 3 minutes watching her facial expressions go from dead-serious, to softer, to then cracking a smile and then realize that it was a very well-executed, witty, dry-humored joke that made the entire family die laughing. And it's incredibly fun to come home from school and get the biggest hug from one of your other sisters because she's so excited to see you that she starts crying of happiness for just a minute, and then beams for the next 20.

And it's incredibly fun to walk into the dining room and get to see them all singing and dancing and falling out of their chairs laughing because they remembered their old vacation bible school songs. And it's incredibly sweet when you're sick or sad, and even though you might not be on their nice list most of the time, your sisters and brothers see you and try to make you feel better -- or at least let you know they feel for you in their own little ways -- or better yet, they take care of you so unexpectedly, just because.

I know that I've learned and grown a lot from my siblings, and that I'd be a completely different person if I hadn't grown up with them. I know that special needs and mental disability is a struggle and it often constitutes its own lifestyle -- and it has so many misconceptions and it's own stigma that need to be addressed. But we all are capable of understanding the reality of special needs in all of its different forms as it affects those who have them, and we all are capable of actively loving those who have them as easy or as hard as it may be.