From the time I was eight years old, I thought my world with softball was never-ending. I couldn't think of the thought of not having softball.

I started playing softball when I was eight and honestly, without softball I would be a different person than I am today. Softball taught me many lessons. One being that to succeed in life you must work hard. If you don't put the time in, don't expect to get things handed to you. Good things don't come easy. When I was nine, I tried out for a travel softball team. I made the team (only because of how fast I was). But, without this coach taking a chance on me, I wouldn't be a hard worker like I am today. At the time I didn't know much about softball. But, I loved learning. I didn't play much at first. But, as I grew more with the game I started to get better. My love for the game grew every day I stepped in between those lines.

By my second year, I was decent at the game. It was all about getting better by now. I worked every second that I could to get better. I invested so much time into this sport. I loved it with every inch of my heart that could. My senior year of high school softball was bittersweet. I loved playing with the girls and my coaches were the bomb. I honestly never wanted that part of my life to end. But, it did. I went on to play my freshman year at Shippensburg University. It was a division 2 school. My parents were so proud of me. I got a little bit of a scholarship to play. What I thought my freshman year was going to be, was not at all what it was. I struggled with anxiety and depression a lot throughout this time. I never seemed to be good enough for the people around me. My amazing boyfriend, Connor, is really what kept me going throughout this tough time in my life. Without Connor by my side, man thing would have been rough.

I went to practices and knew I would never measure to what the coaches wanted. All of this was obviously in my head. I was a damn good player and I let things get to me. Academically I didn't do as well as I liked both semesters my freshman year. With softball having me up at 5:30 A.M most mornings and practices 3:30- 6:30 pm every day, I was tired. I was exhausted and didn't have time to stay up and study for a test. I honestly didn't have much effort to do most things. I started losing myself inch by inch. At the end of my freshman year, I had an exit meeting the coaches and this is where they tell you their thoughts about you from that year.

My meeting didn't go so well.

Things were said, and those things made me feel worthless. They made me question why I would ever want to play again. I let this get to me. DEEP. With my grades already not being where I wanted them and my self-esteem being at the lowest it could get, I decided it was time to hang up my cleats. This was the toughest decision I have ever had to make in my life. I just knew it was time to grow up. Time to start thinking about my schooling and my future as an educator. I miss softball every-day of my life and I am sorry to the people I let down by quitting. But, to tell you the truth, I am happier than ever at this current point in my life. I am in control of everything in my life. I can study as much as I want without worrying about being up too late. I have time for me and my mental health. In high school, I never really had to worry about taking care of me because things then were easy. In college, you really must make time for yourself and what is really in your best interest. It is okay to give up something you love.

I gave up softball for something I love even more.

Myself.