You stagger into the restroom at a nearby Target store, and the dazed look in your eyes stops you cold in your tracks. The mirror before you reveals everything you’ve been up to. At first this doesn’t concern you, but then a voice in your head reminds you that you’re not in California anymore. This is Texas; home to the savage Neo-Con Nazis, who could snatch you up at any moment, and lock you in a dungeon. These beasts have no mercy. You might try to plead your case by presenting your medical cannabis card, but it will be of no use. They’ll jam it into a shredder, and laugh hysterically at your impending doom. This daunting revelation will make your glazed eyes tremble in terror, but you decide to shrug off these ‘bad vibes’ and carry on.

You already know how dangerous it is to be out in the open like this, but your famished appetite gets the better of you; a grim mistake. You grab a shopping cart, trying your best to act natural, and embark on a journey in search of some scrumptious sweets.

You pick up a box of beverages, when suddenly you notice a woman with judging eyes staring you down. This paralyzes you for a second, but then you decide to move on as if nothing happened. When you turn into the next aisle she turns too, and when you maneuver into another aisle she immediately follows, keeping her glance of rage upon you. It appears to you that the disease of Social Conservatism is still highly apparent here, and her presence reeks of it. That “Trump 2016” sticker on her shirt was all you needed in order to know what kind of creature you were dealing with; a Neo-Con Nazi, in the flesh.

After living in California for the past four years, you had gotten accommodated to living without these beasts, that you had begun to believe that they had truly became extinct after the George Bush era was long gone. But now it appeared that the rise of Donald Trump had brought them back from the dead.

No matter how helpless you may feel, you know that you’ve been here before, and have dealt with these creatures the best way you know how, through the art of deception.

“Are you on drugs?” She’ll hiss at you.

Stay calm. Any sudden movements could make her pounce like a rabid animal.

“No.” You’ll reply.

Things would likely have turned out better if you had decided to end the conversation there. But your depraved state of mind gets the better of you, and awakens the beast nesting within the woman.

“But here’s some personal advice,” you say. “you should really cut down on those cigarettes. They’re rotting your teeth and wreaking havoc on your personal hygiene.”

With that, you’ve successfully planted a ticking time-bomb inside her brain, much to your own sadistic amusement. She’ll fume and stomp her feet in a Nicotine-infused rage, unaware of her own hypocrisy.

“ARREST HIM! HE’S ON DRUGS!!” she’ll yell hysterically. But you’ll be ready for it.

By the time everyone notices the psychotic woman, you’ll blend in with the surrounding crowd that’s hovered around the cash registers, escaping the store unscathed. But you both lost in this case, because you had abandoned your groceries in the process.

Even though you’ve escaped, you’ll realize that the danger is far from over. In Williamson County, TX, the feral swine in uniform are lingering around every corner, waiting to strike at any moment. That Neo-Con Nutcase will likely be on the phone with them by now; jabbering away about the menace to society she’d just witnessed.

Your amygdala will anxiously survey the parking lot; expecting to be swarmed by flashing lights. But the taxi you flag down will save you from her venomous fury. By the time the Williamson County Police Department begins to take her hysteria seriously, you’ll be long gone.

***

Stay tuned for the rest of this story.