The last time I saw you, I knew it would be the last. It was one of those things that I knew but didn't want to admit. It’s been years and I still think about you all the time. I wonder what it would have been like if you were there to see me grow up. I often wonder if you would be proud of me. I see people around me with their grandparents and I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if you weren’t taken too soon.

As I get older, I realize you won’t be at my wedding, you won’t see me graduate college, and you didn’t get to see me graduate high school. You didn’t and don’t get to meet any of my boyfriends. You don’t get to meet all of my friends. We don’t get to spend anymore holiday’s together. I don’t get to make your infamous Christmas and Easter cookies with you anymore. But what I do know is, you can watch me grow up and smile down on me and be proud of me just like I was of you. I know that you will be proud of me with anything that I accomplish.

My biggest regret is that I didn’t get to spend enough time with you. I was young and more preoccupied with friends or playing outside. I took whatever little time I had with you for granted and for that, I am so incredibly sorry. If I could go back, I would spend more time cooking with you and learning things from you. I would spend the holidays with you instead of playing with my new toys.

The last time I saw you will forever be burned into my mind. I’ll never forget the hospital room you were in. The sad, blue colored walls. The faint beeping sound. It’s like you knew it would be the last time and you let me know how much you loved me. Watching you suffer day in and day out was one of the worst things I have ever had to witness. Feeling helpless because I was so young. All I could do was hold your hand and let you know I was there for you and you weren’t alone.

No matter what, I will always love you. I will never forget the time we spent together. The pictures and videos and memories will always stay with me. I promise that I will keep your memories and traditions alive. Your light will forever shine in my life.