I never thought this moment would come. I remember all of the good times. The late night talks sitting in my car where we would talk about anything and everything for hours. I remember the laughs, the day trips, the dinner dates, and the late night Netflix binge watching. I think about your hugs, kisses, and touch. The way you knew exactly what to do when I was upset or when I needed space. I think about how you know my favorite everything. I think about how you know I love scary movies, ice cream, and head scratches. I think about how you know every dark detail of my past and all of my aspirations for my future. And now I wonder how we got here. I ask myself a lot of questions. I think of what I could have done to change what happened. What if I said, “I love you” a little more or chose a different school? Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are now.
You have been a part of my life for a while now and I am petrified. How could I ever trust someone like I trusted you? How do I start over? I cannot imagine being comfortable with someone like I was with you and it scares me; letting someone else in while I know you still exist. But I guess that is something I need to learn over time.
We were young high schoolers. We did not know what the real world was like and we were so positive, so hopeful for the future. Maybe that was our issue. We got too comfortable and our relationship was slowly fading away while we were too busy to notice.
It is sad to say, but we grew apart. We went to college, I did my thing and you did yours and eventually, communication became distant and we were too busy. I can’t help but continue to think about who we used to be. But I need to stop. I am so happy with a lot in my life. I love my school and I cannot imagine me being anywhere else, I love my friends and I love where I am going with my life. I cannot wish I chose a different school, because I would never have met my future bridesmaids or found my passions.
It hurts so much, though. You were my first love. You consumed three years of my life and I will never regret it because you were a lesson in my life. Sometimes we are given people in our lives and sometimes they aren't meant to stay forever, but they are put there for a reason. You showed me what I deserve. You taught me how to be comfortable in my body. You taught me what love is and what love should be. You also taught me what heartbreak truly is. But these are all things I needed to learn eventually and you were the perfect person to fall in and out of love with.
I will never forget us. I will never meet someone whom I don’t try to find a little blemish of you in them. I will never drive by our spots and not think of us. I will never forget about how well you treated me. I hope this pain and urge to change us will go away but I know time is all that will help. I love you, I always will. You are an imprint on my heart and a memory in my mind. You will forever be my first love and I am so thankful I was blessed with you in my life.
