Having anxiety sucks. Like really sucks. Having anxiety and depression is even worse, especially if your anxiety takes the bulk of it. Somedays it's really bad and somedays it's tolerable. If you're lucky, you might even get a few really good days. While not everyday is a bad day, majority of the time it's hard to deal with anxiety all the time. In my honest opinion, they're almost just as bad as days when my anxiety is at it's peak. They're the kind of days where your anxiety sits in a corner just waiting to explode. And when it explodes, it's beyond draining.
Having good days when you're constantly battling your mind is a battle itself. I love having good days because I can enjoy life without getting anxious about every little thing. Good days for me don't come often, so I try to enjoy them for as long as possible before my anxiety creeps up on me. However, good days also come with a lot of guilt. A lot of times, I'll hear people talk about their depression or anxiety or other mental illness and it makes me feel bad for even talking about mine. How crazy is it that I feel bad for how I feel? Having really good days doesn't make this situation any better either because they just make me doubt that I even have anxiety.
Once my good days make me feel guilty, that's when my anxiety starts creeping back up. It slowly takes control over my mind, making me feel drained before it even reaches its full potential. Having good days makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm supposed to be anxious or depressed all the time because that's how society sees mental illnesses. So many people think that if you have a mental illness that you have to act like that illness at all times. If you have good days or you're happy or whatever, there's surely no way that you could be depressed or anxious, right? People who think that are completely wrong and incredibly ignorant and are part of the reason that I feel guilty for having good days. I feel like I have to battle my mind everyday for people to believe that I'm not lying or looking for attention.
So when people say having good days is a great thing, I want to agree with them, but it's hard to believe when some of the same people judge you because you're happy or not anxious for once in your life. I love having good days sometimes, but once I feel guilty for having good days, they become just as bad as any other day.
