The problem with being strong is that no one ever assumes you’re not okay.

I realized I suffered from depression roughly five years ago. My days seemed never ending. Everything hurt for no reason. My motivation was at an all time low, my appetite was nonexistent, and my body ached so much. I felt so tired, but when I laid in bed, my mind just kept racing preventing me from getting any sleep. I got tired of fighting it, so I laid there and let it take over me.

I hated being depressed. I was no longer the person who cracked jokes at the lunch table and then laughed so loud at my own joke that almost everyone turned around to look at me. I hated that I walked around with so much pain in my heart. I hated that I wanted to tell someone about it, but no one even bothered to ask. I realized that when you’re the person who is always making sure that everyone else is okay, they assume that nothing could ever be wrong with you. So I kept it all bottled up inside and hoped that it would just surpass.

I knew if I told my family they would tell me that “it’s all in my head” and that I would be fine. But, what they don’t know is that depression consumes you. It takes up all of your energy, and you’re left with nothing. It almost feels like you’re feeling everything and absolutely nothing, all at once. I am strong. I’ve dealt with so many disappointments and issues in my life, which I’ve overcome just fine, but this was different. As time went by, I became weaker, and I couldn’t overcome this by myself. I was so sure of that.

It took me about two years before I decided I would finally go to therapy. I did not like the idea of it at all. I hated talking about my feelings and letting people into my life. How would I look like telling a complete stranger everything I’m afraid to say out loud? I was scared to be judged and most importantly, I was afraid to trust. I have severe trust issues and going to therapy would just be the opposite of not trusting someone. But, I was willing to give it my very best shot.

After one full year of therapy, my life changed significantly. At the beginning, it was difficult, as it would be for anyone letting a complete stranger into their lives, but as time went by everything just seemed to fall into place. All of the sudden, speaking out loud about everything that went on in my head seemed perfectly fine. I didn’t feel like I was not normal for feeling the way I did. Depression is a real mental issue that anyone in this world can suffer from and I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. I am thankful for these resources because I feel like they aren’t acknowledged and thanked as much as they should be. Therapy has truly made me a better person and now every time I fall, I know I can lift myself back up. Strong people break too, and that’s okay.