Moving away from your significant other in a serious relationship is never easily done, but success is more common than you may think. I remember going off to school two years ago (three hours away from my boyfriend I might add) and being told countless reasons why I should just give up now. It was heartbreaking to be surrounded by so much doubt, even from some of my closest friends. It was (and still is) not easy, but here we are two years later, happy as can be. I've learned through witnessing countless long distance relationships and through my own personal experience that it can work. Here is what has helped me cope.
Understand that no relationship is the same. What works for your best friend's relationship may or may not work for yours. When my friend was apart from her boyfriend for about a year, they made sure to Skype a couple times a month. It worked for them, not for me. He and I have tried that, and it only makes me more upset because we can't actually be together. I'm better off pushing that type of communication out of my head, picking up the phone a couple times a week, and making sure to text him a few times a daily so that we are still regularly communicating. We found what works for us and what doesn't. Which leads me to say…
Make sure you both keep in contact with each other. Some days (especially during the semester) become so busy that I don't even think to call or text anyone until I'm lying in bed that night dozing off to sleep. There were times that he and I were so overwhelmed and involved in other things, that we were on completely different pages. I didn't know what was going on in his life and he didn't know what was going on in mine. We both felt like we weren't even in a relationship, and it stunk. We had to really make an effort to get out of this phase so that we were both happy again. Make time for each other, even if you feel like you don't have a free minute in your day. If someone is important to you and is always on your mind (in a good way), make time for them and also...
Show them you care. When you are together, spend quality time together. We like to go out to eat, be active, and plan fun dates. Do nice things for each other often. If you both are active in showing the other how important they are to you, you will be more willing to work harder if things get more difficult down the road. So make sure you…
Listen to what they are saying. A lot of times, I had too much on my mind to really listen to what he was saying whenever we talked on the phone, (so did he but he won't admit it ;) ) which led to frustrations later. Plus, listening to each other is key to understanding if you both are on the same page. Understanding how your particular relationship works is always important and I guarantee that trust is going to be a strong component. So…
Trust them. Being away from each other creates the potential for temptations, dishonesty, and disconnection. Try to trust them completely, or you are in for a mess of emotions and nerves that are almost always unnecessary. If you are both working hard at your relationship, chances are, you are both faithful to one another so save yourself the worry. But also make sure to….
Trust yourself. When you know you have that someone far away and you can't be with them, it is hard to be away from them for some time. It feels unfair, annoying, and it hurts. But distance is a good test for a strong pair. Do not give into temptations. I have seen that happen to too many people and they usually regret it. I find myself recognizing and being drawn to others that remind me of him. This usually happens when I miss him terribly or we are going through a stressful bit of time. Remember that attractions are natural and there is nothing wrong with that; but recognize when you are simply attracted to someone versus having feelings for them. They are completely different. If you ever become confused with how you are feeling, seek advice from the people who care about you. Important note: Make sure you know who to seek advice from. I've received wonderful advice regarding my relationship, and advice that would lead to turmoil. Know which path to take and who to listen to when you feel like you need it. Many times a big help will be if you ….
Make time for each other. Plan ahead dates that you can see or even call each other next and visit each other often. Make as much time for each other as possible, but also understand that you don't need to spend every waking moment on the phone to be happy. There is a balance. Last but certainly not least….
Always be honest. If you have tried something new or are having thoughts/worries regarding your relationship, you need to communicate that to each other. Nothing can be fixed if you keep things bottled up. Let them know what you are thinking and what is going on in your life.
No long distance relationship is ever easy, that's the trick. Those who survive are typically strong people who are not only in touch with their partner, but also themselves. When you are in the middle of a long distance relationship you find out a lot about yourself and what you want in a potential life partner, whether your relationship prevails or ends. If you both love each other enough, you can do it and you can keep doing it. I can honestly say, it has been a hard, bumpy, wonderfully pleasant ride. Plus, it is quite rewarding when those who doubted you both two years ago congratulate you on your five year anniversary and hopefully many more to come.
