It’s official. I have given up on you.

I used to hold on to dreams of a brighter future, a better friendship, or an established relationship, but I can’t fool myself any longer. I’ve given up on you.

Everyone has someone in their life who they can’t get rid of, no matter how hard they try. It isn’t impossible in the sense that that person is attached to you like a tick, secreting cement as it thrives on your blood. Instead, that person is unnecessary, probably harmful, and yet you just cannot let go.

You are the old Beanie Baby I still keep on a bookshelf in my bedroom, even though I haven’t touched it, moved it, or truly thought of it in years. You are the book I just had to buy at the bookstore, but then never even cracked open the cover. You are the awful concoction of coffee I’ve gotten addicted to, that I know is bad for me, and that I just can’t put down. I need to learn to clean out my bookshelves, put down the drink, and say goodbye to you.

I have loved you on some level for what accounted to 12 years this past October. You have been the most constant thing in my life, through moves, grades, boyfriends, and other favorite things I’ve accumulated through the years. I’ve become a new person thrice over since we first met, and yet you’re still around. My hair color has changed, my weight has fluctuated, my house has morphed, and you’ve been the same. You’ve always been there, center-stage, while I waited in the wings for you, often literally.

But I’ve given up on you. I’ve given up on your empty promises that you’ll call. I’ve give up on the whispered “I love yous" and the smiley-face text messages. I’ve given up on waiting to be enough, or something, or anything at all. I’ve given up on trying to win, and I’ve given up the hope that the prize at the end is worth it at all.

You deserve more than anything to be happy. And so do I. So I’m giving up on the hope that I will make you happy, that I can make you happy, and I’m giving up on the wild dream that you might one day realize you are happiest with me.

I will always be your friend, and I will always love you, but I can no longer be the Beanie Baby on your shelf. I can no longer wait forgotten in a drawer for this girlfriend to break your heart. I can no longer wait with baited breath for you to realize what everyone else has known all along.

I give up because I’ve been trying for far too long, and the chase just isn’t worth it anymore.

I gave up on you because you never gave a crap about me.