Burned from a past friendship/relationship

We've all had them before, friendships that just don't work out. People pleasers and low maintenance friends alike have been put through hell and back, overlooked, overworked and underappreciated. It hurts and is definitely a factor in regards to why we are the way we are. However, this is about us, not who I used to be friends with.

What you can do-

Give me genuine compliments and remind me how great of a friend I treat you. Yes, I do love the "you're such a low-maintenance friend" and "I miss your vibes", but everyone who is even a friendly acquaintance feels the same way. Give me that real gooshy shit about how you'll never forget the time I helped you in a crisis or the time I took your mind off of you and your significant another fighting.

We let you call us at all hours, vent about your past and present relationships and don't mind waiting a few weeks for a Venmo payback. Please let us have our pity moment. A low-maintenance friend might find it hard to open up to most people because they are afraid they won't be loved if they aren't perfect.

I cherish the friendships that I can be snappy and show my range of emotions because it's really hard for me to be like that with most people. Listen to our words, reciprocate with kind actions. Whether its a tag in a cheesy or funny meme or giving us a random text of love. A people-pleasing friend has been in a situation where they did not feel lovable if they had a vulnerable or needy moment. Let us fall apart in front of you and we can pick up the pieces and move on together.

Feel that no one can understand us

Low maintenance friends can be deep, but also understanding of our friend's issues. That's why we don't mind a mid-day meltdown when you haven't spoken to us for weeks. Most of the time it's easier for us to help you with your problems than unscramble ours. At times we feel misunderstood and even unworthy of anyone's analyzations. It's hard for us to open up, that's why we strive so hard to make it a safe space for you.

What you can do:

Shoot us some open-ended questions, let us feel our feelings with you. There's nothing I love more than someone who leads a conversation and asks me questions because it's my natural habit to do so. I pick your brain like no other and make sure that you feel safe revealing information to me. It feels natural to have someone do the same, even if I don't openly express my gratitude towards it.

Check up on us. I opened up a bit about how we had a rough day at work, ask me how it's going a week later. I don't want to gush to you about how the smallest things mean the most to me, but it's true. I love random invites even if you know I'm saving money because let's be real a socialite will always adjust and accommodate most plans.

Overstimulated by negativity

This is a big one. It took time to realize not all 26 people I interact with were my best friends, so why was I rushing to treat them all the same? It took some digging to understand, I get incredibly overstimulated when it comes to other people's emotions, especially negativity. If I have a friend say something negative about their appearance or personality, I am the first one to give a pep talk or say something inspirational. I would literally rather give away my energy then you suck it with your negativity. It's not my nature to ignore someone when they talk badly about themselves because it persists on piercing my ear even if I pretend I'm not listening. Of course, come to me with your woes and problems, but leave your harsh rhetorical one-liners to yourself. It's too much for me to hear even a new acquaintance talk badly about themselves and not expect to be showered with my energy in return.

Additionally, this behavior is nothing to be jealous of. I know me and you have been friends for a few years and it seems threatening I'm helping your old hook-up buddy's new hook-up buddy muster up the bravery to see her inner beauty, but I literally just want to continue our pregame and I emotionally can't until everyone's vibes are in a positive shape.

What you can do:

Reel us back in. If you see me getting the cheer Pom poms from the closet, ready for a deep conversation during a light moment, call my name for a quick snap chat or shot. Literally, snap me out of it. I love lifting people up, but I easily go overboard and forget that giving away my energy does no one good. I need to save it for the night out anyway and you reminding me of that, is why I love you.

People pleasers need their alone time. We get so stimulated from social events and need to recuperate for the next gathering. We pick up on people incredibly quick and harvest residual energy if we don't know how to properly cleanse or aren't given the time and space to do so. Being social is what we are meant to do, but even passions need to be paused.

Give us our alone time, but not too much. We don't want to be abandoned, but some time off after a week-long extravaganza or sorority recruitment is definitely necessary. Call us if you need us, but we won't mind if you have to ditch to hang out with your family.

Intimate gatherings are just as stimulating to a people-pleaser as group parties. But, my favorite is a calming one-on-one date. You get my full attention and energy when we meet up for something casual where we can talk and eat.