Dear diary of a defeated college student,

Everything is happening so quickly. Life has become a blur. So many things are occurring. So many people, experiences, and opportunities. Yet, I feel so numb and broken. My body feels achy and my mind, muscles, and spirit are worn. My back hurts in the morning when my alarm goes off. My body hurts when I sit in the shower for 45 minutes to avoid the world.

Every move I make has become so rehearsed and in-genuine. Smile here. Wave there. Hug this person. Cue the laughter. I can’t get my creative spirit to flow, and I can’t seem to fully feel emotions anymore. I want to feel. I want to feel my sadness to its absolute depth. I want to feel my anger and all its intense, fiery sparks. I want to feel my happiness and all its swirling butterflies.

But, I know I am doing what needs to be done. I am completing assignments on time. I am going to work when I am scheduled. I am putting in effort where it needs to put in. But I have quit putting in passion. My writing is failing. My love for live music is dwindling. My urge to go out and create is slipping away from me.

I must ignite the ground below me. I must set my soul aflame for the sake of my art, my future, my love, my passion, and my future. I cannot let this life slip away from me so unenjoyed. So bland. So quiet. I only get one shot at this.

And yes, I must go to class. I must work to earn money. But along the way, I should take full advantage of every moment that approaches. When I laugh, I should feel it in every dip and curve of my stomach. When I cry, I want to run my ducts dry. When I yell, I want the world below me to quiver.

I am a human with the full ability to give vibrant colors into this world. I will take a day to nourish myself. Because I am dry. I have no fruit. But I shall give myself a little growth time, and then I will explode into a kaleidoscope of colors before your eyes and produce the sweetest fruit your lips have ever tasted.

Give me time. I am trying.