I will never forget when one of my friends, Emily Barbosa, gave me a "surprise hug." I wasn't much of a hugger at the time, so in order to trick me into accepting a hug, she ran at me down the hallway in an odd fashion that I can only describe as similar to how a little kid runs when pretending he is an airplane. Hugs are a way of expressing love and affection for another person. Almost everyone gives hugs, though not everyone likes them. The official definition of a hug describes “squeezing” or “holding someone tightly." This, however, is not a full and accurate description of what a hug is. As my friends this past year have taught me, hugging is a beautiful artful. So, here are my tips on how to give a better hug.
The first thing I think you should consider when giving a hug is height. I am 5’9 and taller than most of my friends. Three of my friends are 5’5 or under. My boyfriend is 6’2. Two of my friends are 5’10. My hugging approach is different for my shorter friends compared to my taller friends. When hugging a shorter person, always go in with arms up. I tend to go bear hug style when hugging my shorter friends because we have the perfect height difference for a great bear hug. Hugging taller people is different, though. When I hug my taller friends, I almost always go arms down. This way, I’m on the receiving end of a bear hug, which is just as fun as giving a bear hug.
The potentially awkward part of giving someone a hug comes into play when you’re hugging someone who’s similar to your height. Do you go over? Do you go under? What about half and half? So many decisions and you have about five seconds to decide. I tend to vary my approach depending on two things: who I’m hugging and the situation in which I’m hugging them (the latter more so than the former.) My friend group is what you could call very “touchy feely.” We love giving each other hugs. So when I’m hugging one of my similarly vertically inclined friends, I tend to go either under or half and half. When hugging someone I’m not as close with, I go in half and half, but stay aware of his or her approach. Nothing is more awkward than having to pause for an arm adjustment.
The most important thing I consider when going to hug my friends that I see eye to eye with is the situation. If it’s just a casual hug, then I stick with under or half and half. Recently, we just finished up college and people started leaving. In that case, I definitely went under with my friends the same height as me. There was just something more comforting that way. Though I will sometimes go over, especially when they did something funny or I just want to hold them tight.
After height, the second thing you need to consider when going for a hug is how long do you hug someone for? For acquaintances, the quick hug is completely acceptable. With friends, an average hug can be a little longer—three to five seconds, probably. There are some situations that call for a longer hug, however. After my friends and I reunited from Christmas break, we hugged each other for a longer time because we had missed each other. Similarly, when we were leaving for the summer, longer hugs were in order because we weren't going to see each other until August.
You can tell when you’re hanging onto somebody for too long because they start to do the awkward tiny backpatting thing (shoutout to my girl Emily Fromke.) You can either choose to listen to this silent social cue or ignore it. With my friends, I tend to ignore it because we’ve been friends for this long. I know they can handle it. With someone that you don’t know as well, it’s probably wiser to stop hugging them when this happens. Feel free to use the awkward backpatting to end a hug that has gone on for just a little too long.
The third and final aspect of hugging is how hard do you squeeze? This is vital because you hug someone too hard and it either gets awkward or painful. I tend to go with the same rules as I have for length. When hugging acquaintances, keeping it light is the best route to go. Sometimes you can give a brief hard squeeze before letting go, if that’s how you want to roll. With friends, you can hold on just a little harder. Again, the situation might call for a harder hug. Reunions and goodbyes definitely are two times when you should hold on to your loved ones just a bit harder.
Hopefully this helps you next time you approach or get approached with a hug. Hugs are great and so much more than just “squeezing” or “holding someone tightly.” Hugs can show someone that you love them, how much you missed them, or how sad you are to see them go. They can be expressions of joy and happiness as well as consolation during hard and sad times. To me, they’re always comforting, always nice, and always welcomed-especially from those I love.
