Growing up there were a lot of things I didn't like about myself, inside and out. I've never been the popular girl with a lot of friends or the smartest girl in school. For as long as I can remember I've hated almost everything about my body. Guys didn't attach themselves to me like they did other girls my age. I blamed myself and thought that I wasn't pretty enough or maybe I didn't dress well enough. It was hard to keep up with all of the other girls when you come from a family that's not rolling in money. I have always focused on the things that I am not. Now I know that everything I'm not made me everything I am!
It's hard feeling like a social outcast when you're in school, wondering why none of the popular kids wanted to hang out with me. Was I not cool enough? Maybe I wasn't for them, but now I know that I'm cool enough for me. I watched those same people constantly change friends and always have falling outs with one another. While I had to go through my fair share of friends to separate the good ones from the bad, I think its something I was able to figure out faster than all of the so called popular kids. I found out that sometimes all you need is a small group of people to hang around because not everyone has your best interest in mind. Now I wouldn't trade my best friend and the few good people I have for anything in the world! Sometimes I do feel that I could stand to be a little more social but I'm accepting of the person that I am. As long as the people in my life want to see me do well then I'm happy, even if there's only a few of them.
It's also been incredibly difficult learning to accept this awkward body of mine. I always felt really out of place and I've been really skinny my whole life. It always been hard to find clothes that fit my body nicely. Pants were either too big at the waste or too short at the ankle. I wasn't (and still am not) developed as most girls in certain areas. It made me feel ugly and unwanted. If you ask me today, I would say there are still things that I wish I could change about my body but as time goes on I'm learning that I can't continue to compare myself to other. What works for everyone else may not be for me. So my body isn't as curvy as the next girls, and so what if I still have to deal with acne. I'm learning to be comfortable with myself flaws and all. We were all made with different body shapes for a reason and should learn to work with what we have.
You'll always be miserable trying to measure up to someone else's standards. I rarely think about what others might feel about me, I'm too busy making sure I feel good about me The sooner you accept who you are, the better! The older I get the more I learn to accept and love all that I am, from my personality to my looks. I may not be the prettiest or the most social but I'm me and that's okay! When you learn to appreciate all that you are someone else will come along and appreciate it too. Confidence in yourself doesn't go unnoticed and it's a great feeling.
