As a young woman looking to go into a professional career field, I can speak to this point—ambition is a requirement. It’s unfortunate, but women still have to prove themselves in certain sections of the workforce. You have to know what you want and be prepared to go after it. After all, we’re told growing up that if you want it badly enough and if you try hard enough, you can do anything.

But they don’t tell us just how hard it is to try hard enough.

To the Girl Who Knows What She Wants:

First off, know you’re not alone. There are young women all across the country that feel exactly the way you do. It will get rough—and it’s completely okay for you to feel tired, overwhelmed, or even defeated (sometimes all at the same time). It happens, and we’re right there with you.

Something that comes with knowing what you want is an overwhelming pressure to have your life together. It’s easy to say, “This is what I want, and this is how I’m going to get it.” But things happen, plans change, and when things go awry your first instinct is to be hard on yourself. We’re our own worst critics. Add to that the fact that anyone who has played a major role in your life has faith in you and expectations of you; which don’t get me wrong, is great—having a strong support system behind you helps a ton--But as someone who is already hard on herself, the thought of disappointing those special people only intensifies the pressure.

Here’s the beauty of youth: you’re young. No one expects you to have life figured out. All those people who have faith in you haven’t misplaced it, even when you feel like they have. Chances are they’ve been in your shoes, and guess what? They turned out fine. Don’t be so hard on yourself, sweetheart.

Another thing they don’t tell us is just how lonely it can get sometimes. Something I’ve found that comes with being a strong, ambitious young woman is looking for someone equally as driven. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve told my girlfriends (or my mom, for that matter) “I just want someone who has a goal for their life.” We want a significant other who will bring out the best in us and push us to be the best we can be, and unfortunately, even in college, that can take a long time to find. You’ll hear “Maybe your standards are just too high,” more than a few times, and some days it will seem like maybe they are.

As tempting as it may be, don’t EVER feel like you should settle for anything less than what you want in a relationship. Of course, you deserve your Prince Charming; but on top of that, if you’re unequally yoked in the relationship, insecurity can cause problems for you and your partner. And let’s be honest--you have much more important things to focus on than unnecessary drama. Like pretending to have your life together (but again, no one expects that much from you at 20 years old. Seriously, though, can’t stress that enough).

Here’s the deal: you’re doing the best you can. Maybe things got a little rocky along the way. Maybe you’re struggling with feeling like you can’t do what everyone expects you to be able to do. But you can, and you will. It’s hard. We know it—we’re right there with you. But remember, it’s okay not to have your life together. You’re young and you aren’t supposed to have all the answers. But--you will get there, and along the way remember, it’s not okay to beat yourself up or to settle for anything less than what you deserve. And no matter how lonely you feel, you aren’t ever really alone.