It’s virtually impossible to come out of a relationship and not feel the stinging absence that wasn’t there before. Whether that presence you’re missing used to be toxic or not, it was still a presence.

You carved an entire hole out of your life dedicated to your ex, and now that they’re gone, this space mocks you. Your entire world revolved around them, and you convinced yourself that they were the best thing that could ever happen to you.

You’re in your 20s. You haven’t lived half of your life yet; I know that you haven’t met or experienced the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

It’s tempting to come out of that relationship and look for a distraction. In times when you would turn to your loved one for comfort, for laughs, for acceptance or simply for attention, there’s now no one.

Instead of turning within, you seek solace in the attention of others. Their acknowledgment of you gives you a sense of purpose.

There is nothing more dangerous than depending on others for self-validation.

Your actions have repercussions. You don’t allow yourself to get over your ex before jumping into the next relationship, you make the same mistakes you did before, you ignore the same signs, you fall back into the same toxic pattern- it didn’t work before for a reason, and maybe that reason was you.

You can’t expect your next relationship to differ from the previous when you haven’t changed.

Your lack of self-respect will continue to push you into the same relationship over and over, and I know you don’t want that. You crave a relationship that’s finally drama-free, you crave a relationship that’s flooded with love and you crave a relationship where loyalty isn’t one-sided.

There is no promise you’ll find better without first bettering yourself. You need to find the respect to walk away from someone who refuses to prioritizes you, and you need to learn to love yourself so you can hold someone else to the same high standards.

It’s clear that you jump around to other boys, feeding off their attention and reassurance, because you have little to no opinion on yourself. Their opinion of you is in turn your own opinion of yourself- that’s why it seems so important for you to obtain their approval on every aspect of your being.

Before you reach for your phone and text the first boy on your contact last, let yourself learn from this pain.

Reflect on what you did wrong instead of placing blame.

Become a better individual, friend and future girlfriend by learning to love yourself for your faults. And once you find that self-love and self-respect you were lacking before, that’s when you know you’re ready.