"You can't fix him."

"Why do you let him treat you like that?"

"Can't you see that he doesn't care about you?"

"Run as fast as you can, you know his reputation."

I know how it is all too well. You meet a guy, and he is great. He is exciting, handsome and charming. He can make you laugh. He is dangerous, mysterious, interesting.

However, it doesn't take long for something about him to seem a little off.

You begin to notice the little things he does (or shall I say, doesn't do). You notice that he is careful with his wordings. He does not use strong phrases like I really like you, I care about you, I love you. He does not make plans far out in advance. In fact, his plans are typically spontaneous (And you like that about him--at first). He doesn't take you on dates.

He does not talk to you every day, but he has a good excuse for the days he doesn't. He has a good excuse for everything he doesn't do. In fact, because of him you become pretty good at the excuses yourself. You make excuses to everyone for how he treats you.

You see, the problem with bad boys is that they aren't bad all of the time. They give you false hope that stays throughout the bad times. It stays when it's Saturday night and they ignore your call. It stays when they don't apologize the next morning, and surely it stays when the relationship is all said and done.

It's always the thought in the back of your mind that maybe he really could change.

You see, we think it's this deep and dark and twisty problem with them. Maybe they have been through a lot, maybe no one has tried to help them.

But it's not, it's not nearly as complicated as that.

Someone once said, if a guy is acting like they do not care, it's because they genuinely do not care.

It's as simple as that.

My favorite quote, one that helped me when I was in your shoes, goes like this:

"They aren't inherently bad, or uncaring--they're just busy and self-focused. And that's OK. It's not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn't make you unloveable or invisible. Your work isn't to change who you are; it's to find people who are able to give you the connection you need."— Daniell Koepke

I think the hardest part of these almost relationships is that you are stuck in a constant state of Limbo. You are just waiting for the relationship to grow, to change, but it doesn't. You put so much work into trying to help someone, that you begin to lose sight of what you deserve. And after all that time, all the tears, all the fights, you are expected to just walk away from a losing battle? No, no, no, you want to be the girl who stays, am I right?

But trust me, the longer you stay the more it will hurt.

I promise, it is going to be really hard at first. You are going to be sad, then bitter, then one morning it will hit you. You are going to realize you deserve better.

You will meet a guy and he is going to do everything he never did. He is going to show you off to everyone he knows. He will make you feel beautiful, and special. You won't be waiting all day for phone calls that never come. You won't be wondering when you will see him next. You will not be an option, but a priority.

I didn't realize how much better I deserved until someone came along and showed me. Trust me, it's better on the flip side.

Sincerely,

The girl who's been there

"My heart didn't break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized all of the things he didn't do. He didn't want to hear my stories. He didn't ask me questions. He didn't smile when I was talking to him. He didn't hug me out of the blue just to make me feel good. His hugs were always a preamble to something, and after he was gone I began to wonder if he ever even knew me at all."--Diane Les Becquets