What I learned from going to a sex club

My Girlfriend And I Went To A Swinger's Club, And It Was Far More Disappointing Than You’d Expect

For Halloween, my girlfriend and I decided to go to a "sex club." It was not what we expected.


It's hard to believe sex clubs exist, but they do. In nearly every major city, no less. Probably because of the taboo associated with them.

Am I even allowed to be writing this right now? Will I be shunned from society? Will I be at a cocktail party years from now, shmoozing over my most recent Pulitzer Prize, when somebody will recognize me and say, "Hey! It's that guy! He went to a sex club, I read his article!"

They take away my awards, I stop getting invited to Pictionary Night, people stop carpooling with my future hypothetical children...next thing you know, I'm telling bad stand-up comedy in exchange for free chicken tenders (you can either have a side of ranch or honey mustard, not both): "Hey what's the deal with baby carrots, did momma carrot and poppa carrot have a baby?"

Everything about the concept is hush-hush. The club itself is located in an unassuming back alley, more resembling where Bruce Wayne's parents got shot (spoiler!) than anything resembling an actual nightclub scene. We walked in, hearts racing, not fully sure what to expect... First, some background.

After a year of chewing on the idea, getting cold feet several times, we decided to take the next step: No, not going to a club. We decided to see a therapist as a couple. We kept the conversation mostly about what a "friends with benefits" scenario would look like as a couple, without getting too specific (yeah, like this is a time to get reserved). The therapist helped us realize something that we had already uncovered ourselves; that communication was the key to everything.

If you don't communicate well as a couple, this experience is not for you. It will go up in flames.

Our intention in going there was not to have sex, and certainly not to have sex with others. But for the past year or so, we have been intrigued by the idea of non-monogamy.

Who made these rules, that once you're in a serious relationship, that ends all physical connection with other people? Is there some sort of handbook somewhere? We have discussed scenarios that excite us both, only doing so when we were absolutely secure in each other, and more importantly, in our relationship. This was not a whim or a spur of the moment idea. It was simply the next step, as in, what does something like that look like? What kinds of other people are into this sort of lifestyle? It was more of a character study, a way of getting out from the shadows and confronting the reality of what this sort of commitment would entail.

We booked our night at the club, taking place on the weekend before Halloween. We did this methodically, as we would get to wear costumes and get to go as our people, preserving our true identities. Roleplaying, so to speak.

She dressed more risque than she typically would, although stopping short of full-out sorority girl gone wild: Black, form-fitting jeans complete with rips around her left knee, with tall black boots. Tight sleeveless black top, that hung low in the front and showed off the beginning of her cleavage. I wore a button-up long sleeve shirt, tucked into tight black dress pants. We put fake blood around our mouths and went as "vampires."

After doing several shots of vodka, we were ready. We Ubered over, getting out in the Bruce Wayne alley in front of an abandoned looking warehouse. I'm only half joking when I say I was expecting us to have to give the doorman a password to get in. But, after no password, we were identified as being new, which meant we were given a complimentary tour by a young-faced employee, where reality set in.

We weren't quite sure what to expect. Personally, I had an image of a dimly lit bar in my mind, with women wearing low cut black or red dresses and men in tuxedos. There would be quiet classical music, flowing glasses of whiskey, and seductive back rooms that resembled something out of “50 Shades of Grey." It was not like that. Not at all.

The music was blaring so loud that a monster truck rally would've sounded like a whisper in comparison. Women walked around leaving little mystery, often with less clothing than you would see at a swimming pool. The men were either old enough to be our fathers or had pot bellies that screamed “compensating for something missing" in their life. There was no mystery, no intrigue.

It was like expecting to be wined and dined; with the reality being cheap vodka and uninspiring sex.

In one room, a middle-aged bald man with a beer belly and uninspiring t-shirt whipped a woman lying naked face down on a leather massage table. In another, a couple had sex on a bed with the lights off while spectators watched from a doorway. You know how sex looks in porn? It doesn't look like that in real life. Were we approached by anybody? Did we approach anybody? No and no. To be honest, I was more relieved than I was disappointed.

I'm not sad to say the highlight of the night was the large supreme pizza that was brought in near closing time. At least that was sausage that we actually wanted to see.

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To The Sweet Girl With A Broken Heart

Words of wisdom for every girl...


To the sweet girl with a broken heart,

Do you feel like you're stuck in this hole, six feet under, with absolutely no way to get out? You are not alone, and I promise you there is a ladder just waiting for you to climb it. I know your heart feels like it's been shot, and your gut feels like it's been punched one hundred times.

This feeling is just temporary, and I can tell you that because I've experienced it first hand. I know you feel alone, and like you're the only person who has ever felt this much heartache. I can promise you that you are never alone, and there are so many girls that can relate to you in ways you never thought possible. Don't let one guy dictate your way of life. Don't let one guy dull your sparkle.

Don't let one guy change your heart, or your remarkable personality. Sounds really silly when you read it back doesn't it? All of this hurt, tears, and confusion over one guy! Don't get me wrong, I know that this one guy was your world, you truly thought he was going to be in your life forever.

Up until this point, you didn't see a life without him in it. Girlfriend, look at yourself in the mirror. You are doing this whole breakup thing all on your own, and you're doing a great job at it. You picked up the pieces, and are carrying on all by yourself. You have been through the most extreme roller coaster of emotions, and you road it solo.

That says something, something really special. That says that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. Realize that! This is God's plan for you, to show you just how amazing you are. That you can conquer all things, and handle them in the most graceful way possible.

You are special. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are you! And that's one hell of a thing to be because you are the only you on this planet!

Lift your chin up, hold your head high, and show the world exactly who you are. Never change for anybody. Ever! Heck, get back to that girl you were before him. Strong, independent, confident, selfish. I know the word selfish seems so, well, selfish. But It's okay to be selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to defending your own heart.

Take that vacation, dress up just because, do your makeup and take selfies just because you want to, go to the gym, get that tan, go to that party, spend time with your greatest friends, hug your mom!

Do all of these things carelessly, do them because you deserve it, and because you can! And at first you may be doing them as a distraction from all that you've been through, but soon enough you'll find that you're doing them not because you need to, but because you want to!

Simply because this really is the new and improved you. Learn from this pain. Learn to love yourself again without him, without constantly feeling like you need to be reminded by him that you are loved. Instead, love yourself and I assure you when other people see that, they'll love you even more.

Girls, when we love someone, we love deeply, we love wholeheartedly, and that person never has to question our love for them. You deserve that same exact love in return. There are plenty of other guys out there just waiting to take care of your heart, and love you unconditionally. You deserve nothing but that!

Do not stop until you find that guy. You can change the world just by being a kind hearted human being. Don't get revenge, don't force yourself to move on as quickly as he did, don't torture yourself with remembering "the old him," and definitely don't change. I know it's hard to see him changing in the worst way, to the point where you don't even recognize him anymore. To the point where he feels like a complete stranger to you.

Do not stoop to his level. Trust me, one day, he will look back on his life and probably regret losing you. Of course, I know all you're wishing is that he'd be able to see that right now, but that just isn't God's plan. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, and hurt, and be upset.

Those are all good things.

That is what is going to allow you to heal, and move on to become a better, stronger, happier, and more mature you! I promise you, that a year from now all that you're stressing about will not mean a thing. This is our one and only chance at life, we can not let one person take away all the happiness that we deserve.

The right guy will never leave, even when times get tough he will always fight for you. I saw something on twitter that said, "take sex away and you'll come to realize that not many individuals have much to offer. This generation is so pressed for the physicality that ya'll forget mentality creates the bond and forms longevity."

That hit extremely close to home for me and is something that everyone needs to remember.

Fall in love with somebody's heart, mind, and soul. Go beyond their looks, go beyond the attraction, dig deeper. Don't be that shallow girl, who doesn't know how to love the right way. You are so much better than that. To every single broken hearted girl, I am so proud of you! I am always here for you, you have so much love and support. I've realized that myself. As I write this, I feel relief, no longer sad or dwelling on the past. What is coming is always better than what is gone. Now get that beautiful smile back on your face because you are too pretty to be sad.

P.S. To the "other girl" (if there is one).

How dare you take him away from me? You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew my whole heart was on the line. Women need to start respecting other women. Think before you act. Would you want to be in my position? I sure as hell hope not, and now that you have him I hope you're thinking about how you hurt me. And if you're not, then you have a lot to learn about life hunny.

It's kinda weird because I can't hate either of you. Simply because I want nothing but the best for him. It's crazy how someone can break your heart into a million pieces, but you still have such a special place in your shattered heart for them. Besides that, take good care of him. I hope he can learn from you, and love you in all the ways he couldn't love me or any of his other ex's. Every relationship is a lesson, and there is always something to learn. So thank you for teaching me mine.

P.S- To "the guy who did this" Imagine you have a daughter someday, and some boy breaks her heart the way you did mine. I hope you think back to this, and remember me. Maybe by that time, you'll feel sorry.

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41 Thank-Yous To My Boyfriend Who Stood By My Side For Three Semesters And Graduation

Life will be scary and difficult sometimes, but as long as you're there to hold my hand, I know that I will always be OK.


These last several semesters at college, I've learned so much and I've changed so much, all because of one person. A person that came at a time when things were going downhill, and completely flipped my life around. I will never forget how terrible I felt before I met you, and how much better I am with you by my side. Truly, I don't know where I would be without you. And that's why it will always be impossible to thank you enough for everything that you have done for me.

But you do deserve to know how much of an impact you have on me.

1. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on when I was struggling to get through this last semester.

2. Thank you for always listening to me rant about problems I was having with my friends.

3. Thank you for never getting tired of me talking about the same things over and over again.

4. Thank you for never acting like my past trauma was baggage or a burden.

5. Thank you for trying your best to understand and to be considerate of my anxiety.

6. Thank you for being patient with me when I take so long to process everything and sort out my emotions.

7. Thank you for dealing with my mood swings and intense emotions.

8. Thank you for never judging me over things I get embarrassed about.

9. Thank you for sharing your opinions with me, even when I didn't want to hear them, but I needed to hear them.

10. Thank you for opening my eyes to toxic behavior that I was blind to.

11. Thank you for always looking out for my health and well-being, and my future.

12. Thank you for helping me grow up and mature.

13. Thank you for always wanting to talk things out.

14. Thank you for making me feel important.

15. Thank you for giving me a reason to live.

16. Thank you for showing me what true love is.

17. Thank you for being my best friend and partner in life.

18. Thank you for breaking my walls down but never breaking a promise.

19. Thank you for keeping my heart safe.

20. Thank you for giving me endless reassurance.

21. Thank you for never making me worry about the fate of our relationship.

22. Thank you for always putting me first.

23. Thank you for being loyal and committed to me.

24. Thank you for all of the memories and adventures.

25. Thank you for never getting annoyed about taking photos.

26. Thank you for the best summer of my life.

27. Thank you for making college a much better experience for me.

28. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face.

29. Thank you for always catering to me and trying to make me happy.

30. Thank you for all the little favors you do for me and everything else you might think goes unnoticed (but trust me, I notice and I appreciate it so much).

31. Thank you for supporting everything that I'm passionate about.

32. Thank you for always making an effort to change.

33. Thank you for always forgiving me when I make (loads of) mistakes.

34. Thank you for being a good influence on me.

35. Thank you for being my role model and inspiring me to be more like you.

36. Thank you for the amount of time, effort, and love that you've put into our relationship.

37. Thank you for shaping my future.

38. Thank you for making me so hopeful and excited about everything that we are going to do throughout our life together.

39. Thank you for thinking that I'm worth it.

40. Thank you for wanting to get married, have kids, and spend your life with me.

41. Thank you for making my dreams come true.

Now that we've graduated, for the first time, we're dealing with the fact that we don't have a set path laid out for us. Real life is more than what we're used to. We might struggle to find jobs. Heck, we might find jobs but hate them. It might take forever to save up money. Things might not go according to how we planned them in our heads. We're going to have to juggle a bunch of different elements all at once. Life will be scary and difficult sometimes, but as long as you're there to hold my hand, I know that I will always be OK.

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