Death is a scary thing. What makes it even scarier is that it is often unpredicted. One moment they're here. The next, they're not.
Almost 12 years ago, my father died. Since he died, my life hasn't been the same. Holidays and birthdays aren't the same. I never had the chance to go to a daddy/daughter dance with him. He wasn't there to harass all my ex-boyfriends or see me graduate from high school. But what hurts the most is that he will never get the chance to see me graduate from college, have him walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, and have him become a grandpa.
Every year, there is one day I dread the most and that is the day he died. I will never forget when my mom told me what happened. I was only 8 at the time but it still plays on repeat in my head sometimes. As I've gotten older, it's gotten harder. There were and are so many things that he will never get to witness in person. Everyone tells me he's always there in spirit, but it's not the same.
Losing my father has left me emotionally damaged in some ways. I lacked attention from my dad since he was gone so I sought out attention from other guys. From high school until now really, I was almost always in a relationship or talking to a guy. My dad never had the chance to teach me about boys and how their minds work, so I was in the dark. But you know what? It has taught me some valuable life lessons and what I look for in a man now. I may have "emotional baggage" according to some people but I've been through something really hard and that's bound to happen and I'll never be sorry about it.
On a happier note, my mom got remarried to a really great guy back in 2007. My stepdad has done a great job raising my brother and I as his own. He has treated me like I've been his kid all along and I couldn't be more grateful for that. I know it would make my dad so happy that my mom found someone as great as my stepdad. He has supported me in everything I've done and has tried his hardest to make it to all my events even if it means driving down seven hours to school for my sorority's Dad's Day.
Losing a parent, whether it be a father or a mother or a stepparent is never easy. And to be completely honest, it never gets easier. The wounds heal somewhat but you are never the same person as you used to be when they were still alive. You start to see life differently and learn a lot about yourself and your family in the process. I believe that the saying of everything happens for a reason is true because those things shape you into the person you are today. My dad would be so proud of the woman I am now because of how I've dealt with what life has thrown at me.
To all the kids who lost a parent, know that you aren't alone. There may be times in your life where you feel so lost and so alone. I've been there. It's hard but it's part of life. You always have that person you lost watching over you.
