It was my birthday and I carefully unwrapped the gift my father handed me.
Behind the wrapping paper was an Asics box containing new running shoes — just what I wanted. I opened the box to check out my new shoes and delicately placed on top in a package was self-defense pepper spray.
In the past, my father and I have spoken about him possibly getting me pepper spray, usually half jokingly. I had just moved out of my home and into a new city earlier this year, away from the suburbs. But I have been a runner for over 10 years, frequently going on runs by myself, which has always been a cause of concern for my parents. Still, it was a bit of a surprise to see.
What surprises me more, though, is the amount of female friends that have been "gifted" with self-defense pepper spray from their dads. New college, new city, new state — all apparently good reasons to purchase your daughter some pepper spray.
And I do get it. Parents worry about their children, it's what they do. When we move away to somewhere new and unknown, and away from their protection, I understand their need to still somehow make sure we're okay. Whether it's helping us install extra locks on our apartment doors or giving us some type of self defense mechanism, it's a way to still help protect us.
But the pepper spray breaks my heart in a way that a lock installation doesn't.
I've never heard of any of my male friends receiving pepper spray from their dads after a new move. Mine is even pink, as if the makers are admitting that this product is mostly for women. That we need it.
You can even buy your friends glittery pepper spray this holiday season in names such as Trophy Wife and Hot Mama! Feel real sexy with your self-defense!
I'm a strong woman: I've taken kickboxing, boxing and self-defense classes. I have cardio and speed on my side. But to know that despite all of that, I can be overtaken by a bigger man out to get me; that's terrifying.
It's not just something that exists in my mind, as some people who like to ignore the news may say. I frequently deal with whistles and hecklers, but anyone of them can also be a mugger or rapist. What can I, alone, do about it? Perhaps I am defenseless and our dads seem to think so. It's something I don't want to accept, but my pink self defense pepper spray makes me face the reality.
My pink self-defense pepper spray represents my vulnerability, despite my preparation. It represents the fear of mine and my friends' parents. It represents the required fear that has been pressed upon us as women.
