I never thought I would have this problem, but time has a way of changing things.

In high school, I had been called a "social butterfly" on multiple occasions. I talked to people from all the "cliques", I had sat at all the different lunch tables at least once. I was proud of having known a lot of the students in my class. I was crowned Homecoming Queen my Senior year. I had made a pretty good name for myself in high school.

College, however, was new territory. I had gone from pretty a big fish in a pretty small pond to a minnow in an ocean. I had always suffered from anxiety, but in high school, I didn't have a whole lot to be anxious about. And when I was anxious, I had a lot of friends to go to. Now, I was one of the few who stayed home to commute to class, so I was on my own. My fellow graduates had moved into dorms, looking for new adventures, but me, I was all alone.

You try to keep in contact with your friends, you text when you can, but college as a freshman is stressful. You're learning a whole new way of life. You don't have time or energy to keep up relationships with people who aren't just down the hall or across campus. As the first semester went on, I realized that I was friends with a lot of those people just because I saw them five days a week. And just like that, I lost my longing to know everyone. I didn't know how to establish a whole new friend base. I didn't want to. I was just going to lose them all anyway.

In the fall, I'll be returning to school as a junior and I have one best friend and I only need two fingers to count the people I talk to regularly and whom I think of as friends.

It's lonely.

I realize now that the way I had been thinking was sad. I want to make friends but I'm not sure how. I don't like to talk, I have this new fear that I'll say something stupid and scare them away. Are people in college really even looking for friends? Most people are friends with their roommates or they join sororities, right?

I just wish I had realized how lonesome that way of thinking was. I wish I had tried harder. It's hard to see happy pictures of your old friends with new people. So I'm ready to try again. I'm scared. But meeting people can't be that hard. Campus is a big place filled with a lot of people, chances are there's someone there with same fears as me.

We've just gotta take our fear and channel it into fuel. You have to keep going, keep trying.

It's time to move one mountain and then another.