Hello, beautiful, worthy, cherished one.
I know those words are probably uncomfortable to hear right now, or perhaps all the time. Maybe you haven't heard them in a long time, or recently, or ever. Maybe you do hear these kind words from time to time, or maybe even often, but your brain won't let them sink beneath the surface and nourish your soul. This breaks my heart, because I, too, have struggled with the uncomfortableness of accepting not only the compliments, but the idea behind them... that I truly could be beautiful, or worthy, or cherished, or insert-whatever-you'd-like-here.
With that being said, it's time to get to what the heart of this.
If you've found yourself here with this article right now, my guess is that something about the title resonated with you and you felt inclined to look further into it. Or perhaps — perhaps you clicked on this article by accident, chance, coincidence... but if you ask me, I'd tell you: everything happens for a reason.
In this moment, right here, right now... you are right where you're meant to be. I don't know you and I don't know what has led you here, but I'm pretty certain of one thing, you need to hear what I have to say.
You may come from one end of the spectrum or the other. In one way or another, you have probably struggled with your weight — and you're not alone in that. Take it from the girl who's emotionally eaten herself into an overweight body and who's starved herself into a size 8 in children's as a full grown adult. Weight — just ain't all it's cracked up to be.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that our society has socialized us to be hyper-focused on weight. We're led to believe it defines our worth, our deservingness of love, and our potential for success. We live in an era of body shaming and unreachable standards. You have curves? You're fat. You're thin? You're too skinny. There is no way to please the world around us, there is no perfect body that will bring us all these things that society promises us we will be given if we just have the "perfect" body.
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret — there is no "perfect" body. There is no perfection in this world at all. We need to stop trying to squeeze ourselves into last summer's jean shorts. We need to stop hating on girls and boys who are "too thin" or "too big." Because the truth is my friends, we can never be "too" anything.
The reason I'm writing to you is because I once believed that everything would fall into place if I could just fit the mold of having the "perfect" body. I thought suddenly life would be better, in every single way. I would be happier, more successful, more lovable. And all I got in return was misery.
At fifteen years old I was overweight... that is by BMI standards, which don't even get me started on - they are anything but accurate of health. By age 18 I was wearing size 8 in children's clothing and shopping at GAP Kid's. I haven't been on the most extreme end of either side of the spectrum, but I've felt enough of the pain that both sides bring to know this - it's not worth it.
IT'S. NOT. WORTH. IT.
You may be thinking, "What isn't?"
Trying to reach this standard of perfection. That's what's not worth it. I tell you what, I was a big girl, and an emaciated girl, and everywhere in-between, and NOT ONCE did I ever feel lovely, or beautiful, or accepted.
The moment I started to heal, the moment I started to see the lovely girl looking back at me in the mirror, was the moment I decided that I am perfectly imperfect, in the most breathtaking way, JUST AS I AM. No weight, will ever define my worth or bring me happiness. Our bodies are ever changing, and if we place our worth in the way we look, take my word for it, we will never be genuinely happy. Your worth does not reside in a number on a scale. Your worth is unmovable, unchangeable, your worth is already set aside. You are worth far more than anything of this earth. ESPECIALLY a silly number.
When it comes down to it, all weight is is your relationship with gravity. Cool. Science, yeah hoorah! But besides that, who cares???
Your family, your friends, your dog for heaven sakes... they will love you no matter what size you are, no matter which way your relationship with gravity changes. And if they don't love you because of your body, then quite frankly, they aren't worth your time. And their criticism of you is more than likely a reflection of their own insecurities.
Insert whatever size you are here... and my answer is the same, you are lovely, worthy, cherished, and needed. This world needs the gifts that only you can bring, and by golly... not one of those gifts comes from the size of your waistline.
You are worth more than a waistline. You are worth more than your BMI. You are worth more than a number on a scale. You are worth FAR MORE than you can even fathom.
My therapist surprised me with the most beautiful gift one time. She contacted all of my closest friends and family and had them each write me a letter of what they loved about me. And guess what? Not one single sentence of one single letter mentioned anything about my body. Not ONE. You know why? Because we are not loved for our bodies. Our bodies are merely the houses to our souls, and our souls are the part of us that's so worth falling in love with.
So yes, take care of your body. It houses your soul, and we want your lovely presence to stay on this Earth as long as possible. But do not lose yourself in the quest to be perfect, when you can find yourself in your imperfections right here right now.
Now I want to give you a little food for thought. The ideal body for today's standards is a body type that only 2% of the population has naturally. And those humans who have that body type are beautiful as well. But just because we don't fit into that 2% does not mean our value decreases. Does not mean you are any less beautiful.
You were handcrafted to be just who you are. You, my dear friend, are a work of art. The most breathtaking piece. And that is something that no weight will ever change or take away from you.
So take a deep breath. Remind yourself of truth, and tell those lies to get lost. Tell yourself you are beautiful. Smile in the mirror. Keep your head held high. And remember that you are worthy, of all you aspire to be and all you want from this life.
I want to leave you with this: If you find yourself growing out of your jeans, or find your jeans outgrowing you, don't berate and hate yourself. Instead, I suggest, you simply go jean shopping. Because our bodies change, and that is OK. You are lovely, you are loved and your relationship with gravity looks DANGGG good on you.