I’m not going to lie. College is one of those times that you are one of two people:

1.) Someone who thinks they have their life together, everyone thinks you have your life together, and people look up to you for having your life together, but the instant something goes “out of plan” your entire life falls to shit and you don’t know how to handle yourself,

or 2.) you don’t think you have your life together, you don’t pretend you have your life together, you live your life day by day, you don’t care about things, and your life in everyone else’s eyes seems perfect because you cherish life for what it is.

I am the former.

I live my life by lists: Lists of classes I need to take, lists of “to-do,” lists of homework, lists of what to buy. I even have my monthly planners, weekly planners, daily planners…the shameful hourly planners…and to an extent that has been my entire life motto.

If I have a list- nothing can go wrong. For someone who if they’re not in one of up to five scheduled classes for the day, they’re at their full time job, and if they’re not at their full time job they’re doing homework, and if homework isn't a thing than it is catching up on some sleep.

I get to the point where if I don’t write down “breathe” on one of my lists—I’d metaphorically die.

I’ve been living like this for years. Probably since freshman year when I had to start relying on myself to get my life together. I am a person who has a lot of anxiety towards forgetting things, so doing all of this may seem like hard work, but it is something that calms me down a few levels until I have to re-write a list.

Like I said earlier, my friends think I have my entire life together, figured out all the way to my doctorate degree, my triple minor, my proposed career end goals and they probably get that idea from the color coded Post-It notes that line my college desk top (which ironically enough is littered with everything from credit cards to cheddar fries, but not a single textbook).

Like I also said earlier, everyone THINKS you have your shit together. Secretly enough, you know you don’t, because as soon as you take away those lists it’s as if someone pulled the thread from your seams and you fall apart.

The problem with a life so heavily structured and heavily filled, is that you really don’t have any time to think about yourself, or do anything that you personally love. When I had to take reign of my own life I gave up music, drawing, animals- everything. When I came to college it just amplified the gap between what I enjoy, and the money and education everyone says you need to complete a successful life.

Now don’t get me wrong, we all go to college to pursue a degree in a career to get money, that’s a given, but what I really wanted in college was to break free of who I was as a person. I wanted to get involved with my old passions. I wanted to join an art club, join the Blue Band, and volunteer at my county’s shelter. Instead I found myself falling deeper and deeper into this depressed rut of working for a minimum wage job ALL the time, and in between trying to cram for exam after exam. I’ve lost touch of who I am as a person- and that, my reader, is the point of this article.

Please please please break free of your rut. Remember when I said person type two? The one who lives their life day by day, and has a grand freaking time because they do what they love? This idea of doing what you love is the reason for loving life. Life truly is too short to forget about the things that you are passionate for. Make time for yourself. Join a chicken wing club if that’s what you enjoy. Take a bus to the nearest shelter and pet puppies three hours a week. Draw pictures in a portable sketchbook in between classes. Put down the textbook and do something to take your mind off of the daily struggle that attaches itself to every college kid known to man. There is no reason why you should ever lose touch with who you are as a person, because the second you do that is the moment your life loses it’s meaning.

I am going to...are you?