Dear high school self,
Stop working so hard. You're stressing yourself out and you aren't taking any time to enjoy high school. I promise you that you are going to get into the college that you want, so if it is one in the morning you need to put your laptop away and go to sleep. At this point your brain isn't functioning well enough to think straight anyways and when you wake up and read your essay it won't make any sense. I promise that one bad test grade is not going to ruin your entire GPA. Stop comparing yourself to everybody. I don't care if your best friend seems way smarter than you because you are brilliant in so many different ways and your grades do not define that. However, stop saying that you don't care about your grades because that is a lie and it does not make you cool.
Pretending to be dumb is not attractive to guys. Lose the fake voice and show them what you can do. But don't ever do anything for a guy, do it for you instead. Don't let a guy determine your self worth. If you want to wear a dress and do your makeup nice, do it for you. If you want to wear pajamas to school because it's been a rough week, than do it for you. You are allowed to look pretty for yourself and not care about what other people think. I promise that you are not as big as you think you are, so stop worrying about your weight. Eating healthy and going to the gym does not need to be to lose weight. It is simply taking care of your body which is something that you struggle with a lot. You need to work on it more, but I promise that you are not fat. You just need to learn how to love yourself a little more because you can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself.
And speaking of loving someone else, I promise that a breakup is not the end of the world. Stop telling yourself that one day in a coffee shop down the road you may run into him and everything will be different and he will fall in love all over again. I know it has taken a long time to get over him even though you wish it hasn't, and I know that sometimes you still check up on him to see what is going on in his life. But I promise that you do not have to, and one day you will stop checking up on him because you won't care anymore. You have spent far too much time in high school worrying about relationships and drama and that has been the source of so much of your stress. Stop it. I promise you, it is better to enjoy high school with your friends and worry about all the relationship drama down the road after school.
If you can't figure out what you want to do with your life, I promise you that it is okay because you eventually will. Nobody really knows what they want to do with their lives at this point in time. And even when you get to college, you may change that. It is okay. Join clubs, but only the ones you know you have time for. It sucks letting people down and I know you hate to do that. But some of those clubs will help you figure your life out. Try new things. Experience something you never thought you would.
Go out with your friends. I know that some nights you need to stay in bed and watch a movie, but don't do it every night. You will want the memories down the road when you reminisce about high school. Find friends based on their personalities, not what they look like. If someone constantly uses you and only hits you up when they want something, they are not your real friend. And when your best friend leaves you to go to a different school, call her when you need her. She will move on and it will be difficult, but I promise she will always be there. Don't feel like you are intruding just because she has new friends. She still cares.
Your favorite teacher will become one of your best friends. Don't listen to things that people say about her because you are entitled to your own opinion. She will always be there for you to let you cry to her and offer advice and she will be one of the few people throughout high school who will actually treat you like an adult. You're going to need her a lot junior year.
Go to prom. I know you have it set in your mind that you don't want to but go. It will be dumb and overpriced, but if you surround yourself with good people it will be an amazing night regardless. Go to homecoming, even if you're the only senior. Go to football games even if you hate football because some of your best memories will be spent in that stadium. Go on field trips and volunteer in events. Actually try during the mile in gym because I promise that you can surprise yourself with how well you can run. And when the cross country coach stops you (which he will) actually listen to him when he says there are ways of transporting you to and from places when your parents are working.
I promise that you have so many good things coming for you. I won't spoil any of them, but just know that you will overcome fears and meet some of the greatest people. Even if you decide you hate high school, you can make the most of it. It will shape a lot of your life and will be the last teenage years of your life. Stop stressing so much. Slow down and enjoy things and you wont regret it.
With lots of love and experience,
Your future college self