To The Friends I Have Neglected In The Past, Let's Move Forward

To The Friends I Have Neglected In The Past, Let's Move Forward

I know I've hurt you, and wasn't there when I needed to be, but I've grown.
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I've always been able to go to my best friends for guidance whenever I feel like I'm drifting away, even though I haven't been the best friend I should be at times. I'm here now to share those times to help others grow like I have. I have two best friends: Abbey and Lauryn. They're both of my best friends for different reasons, but have both strengthened me in the same way. This is going to be a path down memory lane, and an "I'm sorry," to the two girls who mean the most to me.

Abbey & Kelsi

The Kelsi that is with Abbey is one who wishes to be better. Abbey's heart is so pure and she is truly a ray of sunshine. She has led me through some of the darkest times in my life and continues to inspire me. College has created a barrier between us, and I can't help but think it's me. Abbey and I went from being inseparable and talking every day, to barely knowing whats going on in each other's life. The other day we were texting, and she admitted to feeling hurt for our disconnection, and I truly felt guilty. Reaching out is so simple, and I had lacked that. I hate feeling like a stranger when I text her, but we have to use ice-breakers when we speak now, and it's foreign.

Abbey, if you're reading this, know that I am not purposefully pushing you away from me. I know a lot is going on in our separate lives, but it isn't an excuse for how I've been treating you. I'm sorry, and I want to get back to the way we used to be. You're doing amazing things at UAB, and have surpassed all of the expectations people have made of you. Keep doing awesome, and know that I'm rooting for you every day, even if it doesn't feel like it. Love you, Abbeygail.

Lauryn & Kelsi

The Kelsi that is with Lauryn is very overprotective. We have been friends for nine years, and there have been so many great moments. Although we've had our ups, there has also been some downs. There was a solid year where I was the shittiest version of myself I've ever known. In this year, I was too worried about being kicked off of the varsity volleyball team, how other people thought of me, work, and which college I was going to apply to. These things, I thought, were consuming me and were such a big issue. All the while, I was neglecting one of the most important parts of my life: Lauryn.

Lauryn's father passed away January, 18th 2015, the day after her 16th birthday. I remember being so mad at her for ignoring me for two weeks because I was so self-centered. Little did I know, that this would start the biggest fall of our relationship. In August of 2015, Lauryn tried her first attempt at suicide, which I didn't even know until today, while I was asking her for specific times of these occurrences. This snowballed into lack of treatment for her depression, and in May of 2016, she attempted suicide again. I immediately broke down when I got the news because I had realized that I wasn't there for my best friend when she needed me the absolute most.

Lauryn, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry. Fifteen-year-old me is someone I am not proud of, and how I treated you is no excuse. I know that we have gotten past this together, but I can't help but imagine how different this could have played out if I got my head out of my ass and been there. I love you so much, and you know that. You deserve the world.

For someone on the outside to read this, whether you are the college freshman who doesn't realize how distant she is being, or if you're the fifteen year old who needs to open her eyes and see what is happening right in front of her, I hope you can learn from my mistakes. I'm not one to put her business online, but this is something that has been resting so heavily on my heart. Cherish those who are in your lives, and don't miss any moments that you may not be able to get back.

Cover Image Credit: Kelsi Mills

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8 Things I Have Not Thanked My Best Friend Forever For In, Well, Forever

Thank you for always being the best.
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1. Being there through it all, even if you're not "physically" there

We can't always be together, but you have never completely "left" me behind and have been there with me through thick and thin and I am so grateful.

2. Being my biggest cheerleader

Thank you for not only being there through the bad, but also celebrating my victories with me. I can always look forward to telling you good news because I know you'll be happy right along with me.

3. Answering my "important" phone calls

Whether it's a "he texted me back!!!" phone call, or an "I found a gray hair, please help!!" phone call, you pick up the phone and hype up with me no matter what.

4. Being selfless, and going above & beyond to make sure I know I'm worthy

This explains itself and I am so grateful for that.

5. Brushing my hair when I don't feel like it

Okay, this probably sounds silly... But it's the greatest struggle to brush my hair and I'm glad you do it for me sometimes!

6. For being there through all of my mini-crises

You already know what I'm talking about here...

7. For talking me out of things

If it wasn't for you talking me out of things, I'd probably have quit my job, be dating a horrible guy, got my eyebrow pierced, etc.

8. Making me a part of your family

I'm too lucky to have you all as my second family.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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My Soulmate Isn't My SO Or A Boy Toy, It's My BFF

I've got mine, and she is and will always be the best part of my life.

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When I was in the eighth grade I met my best friend. I did not expect to meet someone that fills all the empty spots in my heart, but she did. I did not know anyone and was new to school and she walked up and began talking to me and it was like an automatic piece to my puzzle that I had been missing for so much of my life. We just fit. We were total opposites, she is outgoing, loud, funny. As where I was shy, quiet, and I certainly could not make a whole room laugh like she did. Ever. She was everything I needed and more, she was my soulmate.

I know that sounds cliché and you're probably thinking I am over exaggerating but please hear me out. My soulmate was definitely not a boy. Trust me, I've been there and I have done that. No boy could ever have as much of my heart as my best friend does. While having someone love you and experience life with is fun, it has been so much more fulfilling for it to be my best friend, my gal pal, my sister. Through junior high, high school, and choosing to go to the same university together, we had the best friend part down.

From scheduling the same classes together, having lunch dates with one another in the union, and spending every tailgate together before going to the football game, she was there. I promise life is 100% more fun when you are doing things with them. She is the speed dial in my life, the very first person I call when I need something. I know that if it was not for her my life would be empty. Why? Because when you find someone that fits into your life perfectly, trust me you do not want to lose them or all the memories you have together. She is the Christina Yang to my Meredith Grey and if you have that person, hold on tight to them.

It did not take me long until I realized that no boy can ever love you as much as your "person" can. Boys come and go, but a best friend is forever. She picks me up when I am down. She never leaves me out. She knows when I am upset and she'll hold my hand and make me laugh until the situation is fixed. When I am struggling in life, in school, or in my faith, she reaches out and reminds me that I am perfect no matter what. I am far from perfect most of the time, but she never ever makes me feel that way. Sometimes, that is all we need in life: someone to believe in you.

So soulmate, thank you. From the bottom of my heart I thank you, for being you. I thank God for placing you in my life exactly when I needed you. You are beauty, grace, and a lover of everyone. You think you're lucky, but I know that I am blessed for you being in my life. I am a better person because of you. I step out of my comfort zone more because of you. I love people and things more fiercely because of you.

My advice to you all, find YOUR soul mate. Whether it is a boy or a girl, a soul mate is needed to get through life. I've got mine, and she is and will always be the best part of my life. If you have one, make sure you hang on tight, as they get you through this crazy thing we call life. To my soul mate, I love you.

Cover Image Credit:

Daryn Allen

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