To The Friends I Have Neglected In The Past, Let's Move Forward

To The Friends I Have Neglected In The Past, Let's Move Forward

I know I've hurt you, and wasn't there when I needed to be, but I've grown.
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I've always been able to go to my best friends for guidance whenever I feel like I'm drifting away, even though I haven't been the best friend I should be at times. I'm here now to share those times to help others grow like I have. I have two best friends: Abbey and Lauryn. They're both of my best friends for different reasons, but have both strengthened me in the same way. This is going to be a path down memory lane, and an "I'm sorry," to the two girls who mean the most to me.

Abbey & Kelsi

The Kelsi that is with Abbey is one who wishes to be better. Abbey's heart is so pure and she is truly a ray of sunshine. She has led me through some of the darkest times in my life and continues to inspire me. College has created a barrier between us, and I can't help but think it's me. Abbey and I went from being inseparable and talking every day, to barely knowing whats going on in each other's life. The other day we were texting, and she admitted to feeling hurt for our disconnection, and I truly felt guilty. Reaching out is so simple, and I had lacked that. I hate feeling like a stranger when I text her, but we have to use ice-breakers when we speak now, and it's foreign.

Abbey, if you're reading this, know that I am not purposefully pushing you away from me. I know a lot is going on in our separate lives, but it isn't an excuse for how I've been treating you. I'm sorry, and I want to get back to the way we used to be. You're doing amazing things at UAB, and have surpassed all of the expectations people have made of you. Keep doing awesome, and know that I'm rooting for you every day, even if it doesn't feel like it. Love you, Abbeygail.

Lauryn & Kelsi

The Kelsi that is with Lauryn is very overprotective. We have been friends for nine years, and there have been so many great moments. Although we've had our ups, there has also been some downs. There was a solid year where I was the shittiest version of myself I've ever known. In this year, I was too worried about being kicked off of the varsity volleyball team, how other people thought of me, work, and which college I was going to apply to. These things, I thought, were consuming me and were such a big issue. All the while, I was neglecting one of the most important parts of my life: Lauryn.

Lauryn's father passed away January, 18th 2015, the day after her 16th birthday. I remember being so mad at her for ignoring me for two weeks because I was so self-centered. Little did I know, that this would start the biggest fall of our relationship. In August of 2015, Lauryn tried her first attempt at suicide, which I didn't even know until today, while I was asking her for specific times of these occurrences. This snowballed into lack of treatment for her depression, and in May of 2016, she attempted suicide again. I immediately broke down when I got the news because I had realized that I wasn't there for my best friend when she needed me the absolute most.

Lauryn, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry. Fifteen-year-old me is someone I am not proud of, and how I treated you is no excuse. I know that we have gotten past this together, but I can't help but imagine how different this could have played out if I got my head out of my ass and been there. I love you so much, and you know that. You deserve the world.

For someone on the outside to read this, whether you are the college freshman who doesn't realize how distant she is being, or if you're the fifteen year old who needs to open her eyes and see what is happening right in front of her, I hope you can learn from my mistakes. I'm not one to put her business online, but this is something that has been resting so heavily on my heart. Cherish those who are in your lives, and don't miss any moments that you may not be able to get back.

Cover Image Credit: Kelsi Mills

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18 Things That Happen When You Get A Good Roommate

Not every roommate story is a bad one.
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Whenever you hear about roommate stories, they're almost never good, and they usually scare you into never wanting a roommate. "Did you hear her roommate steals her clothes?" "Her roommate doesn't shower!" "Wow, her roommate doesn't talk at all, and doesn't do laundry." From what I hear, there are more bad stories than good. That is why I consider myself lucky, because my roommate is nothing like one of those bad stories. When life hands you a good roommate after talking to about 40 girls through Facebook, a few things happen.

1. You always have someone to talk to.

2. You know each other's schedules, and whenever you both have a break is an exciting time.

3. You'll never have to dance alone.


4. You always have someone to do something with, even if it's just walking down the hall.

5. You both look out for each other, because this is your first time without your parents.

6. You always have a shoulder to lean on when things get tough.

7. Borrowing each other's things is a daily thing.

8. You TRY to help with each other's homework and assignments.

9. They're encouraging when it comes to boys. (Unless they're a f*ckboy.)

10. They're your biggest support system and your personal cheerleader.

11. They never forget to wish you luck on a big exam.

12. They accept how gross you are in the morning and not so pleasant sometimes.

13. You both know each other's favorite and least favorite things.

14. Leaving each other notes saying goodbye before class if you don't see them is normal.

15. Saying goodbye for breaks is upsetting.

16. Not seeing them all day is upsetting.

17. You have more pictures together than any of your other friends.

18. You found a best friend for life.

Cover Image Credit: Jordan Griffin

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Hello, 20, I Can't Wait To See What You Offer Me

The past 19 years were a blessing and I cannot wait to see what 20 has in store for me.

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Turning twenty is nothing special. My birthday was just another day, but, when I look back on the past nineteen years of my life, I see how special everything is.

In the past year alone, I have seen the most growth in myself. I found a better sense of who I am and who I want to be. I surrounded myself with better people and stepped away from toxic people. I pushed myself to try new things and trust in God more.

I remember being a little girl, fishing with my dad, playing with Barbies and being read bedtime stories every night.

I remember looking in the mirror as a little girl and picturing myself looking like my mom as a teenager and an adult.

When I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said I wanted to be a ballerina, play hockey and make wine. Then in high school, I was asked what college I wanted to go to. In college, I am asked what I am majoring in. Now, I am asked what I am going to do after college and my friends and I are talking about retirement plans and weddings.

I have come so far from my dreams as a little girl, but the end goal is still the same: be happy.

When we are little, we hold our parents' hands in the parking lot, we go to them when we have a bad dream and we run to their arms when we have had a bad day. Now, I am nearly completely on my own.

My mom doesn't wake me up in the morning, so if I sleep through my alarm, I am screwed. My parents aren't holding my hands anymore so if I get lost or trip, I have to pick myself up and find my own way. When I have a long day and it just seems like everything is falling apart, I have to get myself together.

We rush to grow up and be on our own.

Then we get bills and we get fired from our job and we run out of clean clothes to wear and the dishes pile up and we realize that growing up isn't all we dreamed it would be. I know that no matter how old I am, I will still call my parents asking for help and I will still sit in my mom's lap. Because I am learning that adults don't know what they are doing, they just aren't afraid to ask questions.

There are a lot of people that start asking me what I will do after school, where I want to live, when I will get married and when I will have kids. I promise myself not to rush further into adulthood. I want to enjoy each day without worrying about tomorrow or the next 10 years. I will appreciate living in a dorm, stressing out over exams and eating copious amounts of ramen because the stressors I will face in the next 10 years will make me miss these moments.

So, when I blow out the candles on my birthday, I wish for happiness, not only for myself but for my friends and family.

I wish for strength because the next few years are not going to be easy. I wish for guidance, because I know I can't do it on my own. I wish for more laughs, more smiles, more puppy kisses and more memories.

I hope that 20 is the best year yet and I can't wait to see how much I change in the next year.

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