Dear ex best friend,
When we first met, I was a different person than I am today. I was shy, quiet and impressionable. I hadn't figured out who I was yet. The thing that made me immediately drawn to you was that you knew exactly who you were. You were confident, funny, loud and flirty towards every cute guy. I was so impressed by everything you did. When we became friends, I felt like I struck the lottery. I was never the cool girl in Hollister or the girl every boy wanted. When I became friends with you, that all started to change.
Before I could stop it, I had become just like you. I was confident for the first time in my life. I was who I was and I didn't give a damn about who didn't like me. Being friends with you was so freeing. It felt like the world was always at our heels, but we loved the chase. Everything we did was controversial, from our outfits to our language to our makeup. We stuck out and everyone noticed us. It was just you and me against it all, until it wasn't.
When the "popular girls" noticed us, that's when it all went wrong. You were dying to be popular. It's all you ever wanted. Everything you did, everything you said was for other people. The problem was that I didn't get that. I thought everything you did was for you and no one else. But you wanted to be popular so badly that you were willing to sacrifice everything, including me.
It was very obvious that I didn't fit in with those girls. They laughed at how much I ate at lunch, the boys I liked and the things I said. They loved you, though. You said the right things, wore the right things and ate the right things. You were meant to be popular. I never was. I have always been an introvert, but part of me always wanted to push myself to be that outgoing extrovert. So somehow I let girls like you sweep me off my feet and influence my whole life. I have met other girls like you, and let them do what you did to me again and again. They boss me around and I let them. I let them because I'm afraid of losing them. I have now realized I am better off without them and without you. So I want to thank you for truly setting me free.
Not all of our friendship was bad. I really want you to understand that. I carry a part of who I was back then with me today. Because of you, I am a wilder, fun version of myself. But what you never had was something I couldn't sacrifice: kindness. You lacked empathy, sweetness and understanding. If something wasn't about you, it didn't matter at all. When the popular girls told you I was too weird for their group, you kicked me to the curb without looking back. We were young, so I understand. But what I want you to take away from this letter is that I forgive you. I forgive you for friend-dumping me. To this day, it is the worst breakup I've ever had. I'll admit that sometimes I wonder if you ever miss our friendship. Whether you do or not, know I do. I see your traits in new people I meet every day.
The good and the bad.
Love,
Your ex best friend.
