Let’s be honest here for a hot second: you just got to college and you’re super hyped to find “the one.” I get it. You’ve just plunged into a whole new sea of fish; the options abound, and you’re already saving for the ring so you can be engaged by spring!
Well, that’s all lovely, except there's so much more happening in your life right now that is equally – if not more – exciting. A lot of you are attending college in a new town; you’re taking classes about so many new things; you're at the beginning of a completely new chapter of life. There is so much going on. Do you really want to panic about that cute boy in the dining hall right now?
As you hopefully gathered from the title, I’m in my second year of college. Unlike the beginning of this year, my freshman year was quite the majestic disaster when it comes to the opposite sex. I simultaneously wanted a relationship, had multiple opportunities to get in one and knew there was no way on God’s green earth I was anywhere near emotionally ready for a new boyfriend. Therefore, my freshman year was a bit of a mess of going on random dates with different guys while battling my own anxiety and terrors behind the scenes.
I knew it wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t know quite what to do. After all, everyone else was looking for a boyfriend! Shouldn’t I?
As a freshman, I felt a lot of pressure to be in a relationship – any relationship – even though I knew it wasn’t my time.
As a sophomore, it’s been interesting to observe “Freshman Mating Season” – a endearing term upperclassmen use to describe the first few months of school when freshmen desperately try to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. And it might be funny to watch if we hadn’t participated at some point in our lives.
So here are some thoughts from someone who has both participated in and watched Freshman Mating Season:
- It might be gloriously amusing if we didn’t know that, every year, there will be a wave of students who go home for Thanksgiving and break up with their long distance boyfriend or girlfriend. Freshman year is not only a time for finding new love.
- We might be tempted to laugh about all the freshmen trying to find spouses if we didn’t personally know how uncomfortable and disappointing it is when, in a few months, that hastily begun, impetuous relationship falls apart.
- Sometimes we pretend Freshman Mating Season is funny, but there’s always a voice in our heads, reminding us that it won’t be funny if your freshman friend comes to your apartment in tears.
- Upperclassmen are smart when it comes to reading which freshmen are trying to find love. So if you have questions, ask us, because we'll probably have some bomb wisdom to drop.
You learn a lot during your first year. I mentioned I felt an enormous amount of pressure to be in a relationship during my freshman year, but I didn’t realize until later that most of the pressure I felt was self-inflicted. Or, rather, it came from my own desire to feel genuinely cared for and loved. That’s normal and fine, but you’re not going to find that in your first week of school.
If you’re looking to find genuine connection, it takes more than a few weeks. If you’re looking for a relationship with anyone and you don’t care who, please take a very deep breath. Relationships need time to develop or else they fall flat.
So get to know people. Find friends before you think about finding someone who is more than a friend. Friends are so much more important than we realize: they’ll be the ones who advise and support us in our relationships, so I urge you to find good ones. And please, please, please, please, please, please know that it is absolutely, completely, wholly, beautifully a-OK to be single for as long as you want.
