I found my mom in Mexico!
Having a family is a gift. A family can be a source of refuge and emotional support. Since most people cannot imagine a life with a family, many take the value of one for granted. Personally, the concept of family has evolved. For me, it is so much more than the people who have a biological relationship with you. I honestly believe that any two people who are invested in each other can become a family because a family are the people who are invested in your emotional and physical well-being.
I learned the hard way that blood is not always thicker than water and being a mother, father, sibling or a family is a choice — not an obligation. Fortunately, with that lesson came freedom. I no longer had to attach myself to people who did not care for me. Instead, I had the right to invest my time and energy in people who do love me.
There is freedom in this reality because you are not obligated to attach yourself to people who do not care about you, regardless of your biological relationship. I get to choose who I consider family and what type of role they play in my life. I fully realized the blessing of family when I reflected on my relationship with my mothers. (Yes, plural. A full explanation is in my previous article here.)
Speaking of which, I found another mother in Mexico! When I met this woman, I could feel the amount of love she had to offer. She gave away so much of herself and it thrilled her. The similarity she had to the women in my life was remarkable. She had a genuine compassion for other people and we just clicked.
I met her in a Spanish Immersion Program through SOL. She was a professor for one of my classes but our relationship evolved. I almost did not realize what was happening. Imagine my surprise (and delight) that even at this stage in my life I am able to find women who love me.
Sometimes I am challenged with the question of how. How is it possible to just replace your mother? Don’t you feel like there is something missing without your real mom?
The answer is I did not “replace” my “real” mom. You cannot replace a person who was not really there in the first place. They just leave a gaping hole. I did feel like something was missing.
My relationship with my biological mother left me devastated and heartbroken. My relationship with my real mothers healed me.
