​To The Girl I Was Then, You Are Already Forgiven

Every day we walk around with so much baggage. We lug it with us everywhere, to new relationships, new friendships, new ventures, every new day. By baggage, I mean our past regrets, experiences, mindsets, actions, thoughts, goals, and motivations that were less than healthy and helpful. In other words, I mean that lately, I've realized that I am being weighed down and held back by a past version of myself, one that I no longer want to think of myself as.

We have everything we've done, experienced, or thought in the past and naturally take it with us into our present. It's simple and everyone knows it: our past affects our present if we let it. For example, if you've been hurt by a friend or loved one in the past, you might have your guard up when entering into a new relationship. Or similarly, if you've experienced rejection, you could become more hesitant to put yourself out there and keep trying. Everyone has experienced some version of hurt, rejection, or betrayal in their lives. And the more I've been thinking about it, the more I see how clearly my past pains, either by my own doing or some other outside force, hold too much weight over me now. Things can go bad so many times that you think they will never be good again. Yes, life will never be perfect but if you leave the bad in the past, you are sure to increase your chances of a whole lot more good where you're headed.

And it's not denying or hiding that it happened to you or that you were ever unhappy. It's saying yes, I was living a life I was not completely proud of and yes, I was hurting. But the past is past. I do not have to be the same girl I was months ago.

I want to let go of past rejections, fears, failures, self-doubt and depreciation, harsh words, insecurity... I want to breathe it out and let it go. There's no point in being discouraged from being the best version of myself now because I haven't been in the past.

Of course, it's not as simple as a clean break. There's no restart button. No memory loss machine. It's not as simple as changing your mind. But I've always believed that a firm resolution to work at shifting your perspective and keeping up this new attitude daily yields some definite changes. And maybe it's a gradual motion, but as long as you make the decision to turn to a different direction, progress is being made. And progress starts with self-forgiveness.

Hey, maybe I'm an unrealistic optimist at heart, but I'd like to think I am more than my past. And I can change my future with the decision given to me each day to adjust how I see the present. The girl I am today is not defined by and does not have to be concerned with the girl I was yesterday.

This is me putting up a wall between me and her. And that wall is called time. Time to grow and learn and see and understand and forgive. Forgive her for weakness and mistakes and selfishness and for sometimes giving up. She is forgiven and I am stronger for it.