The hardest part of it all is wondering where you went wrong. Boggling your mind, stretching your thoughts until your eyelids finally give up on fighting the constant urge to close them shut, you squint your eyes tightly in disbelief as you shake your head furiously with wonder. Just one restful night, that's all I ask for. When I found out the news, the news that you and the monster, the girl you cheated on me with, were officially dating, my anxiety reached an amateur level of high.

My brain became foggy and felt as if it were scorching hot, excruciating belt of pain rushed throughout my brain. My heart began pounding a mile a minute, tightening in my chest, leaving me behind to gasp for empty, silent air. Fingers trembling faster than my heartbeat, I could barely contain myself. I thought I was OK, that I would be OK when the time came for this, but I'm not. It's not fine, but it has to be fine, right? I always told myself that, that everything would be fine in the end. But is it fine? Is it fine that this is happening, does the real have to be real for me? I can pretend that this is not real, continuing to live my life as if I did not know. But I do know and this is real and happening, and I'm a mess but you know what? It is OK. This is OK. He cheated because I was not good enough because he wasn't happy or content with what I had to offer. He found something better, something that made him happier than I have ever made him. And you know what? That is OK with me because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, to feel the love I always tried to make you feel. Unrequited, unconditional love for an individual is the strongest poison I've had to swallow thus far. Almost a year later and here I am, still trembling and losing my conscious over a man who never cared enough to see all of my faults and love me anyway.

Please do not mistake me, I do love myself, not unconditionally but to an extent, I have learned to accept my faults and flaws and turn them into something utterly beautiful. It was such a lovely pleasure having you in my quiet, contained life to cure and tend to my temporary sadness. People come in and out of our lives for certain reasons. Reasons that we can not explain, but can feel. At the end of the day, we know that we needed them. People come into your life because you need them and when they leave, you know that they have done their job. Reminiscing back to the cliche memories, I wear a bittersweet grin on my cheeky face.

At the end of the tiresome day when I rest my sleepy head on my lavender scented pillow, I know indefinitely that I have done my job because you're with her and you're happy and I'm happy. I am happy that it took dating me and exploring other options to come to the conclusion that your heart is in another place. I am happy that every day when I see you, you are smiling and even though it is not because of me, I am still secretly smiling back. Your smile is insanely contagious. I'm happy that I let you go, moved on with my life and let you live yours, with her. Please remember our memories, the times we had, remember how we both fixed each other last summer. We were each other's first aid kits, temporary yet healing.

First aid kit, you have once reminded me, “People come in and out of your life for reasons, sometimes we don’t know those reasons but we do know that we need them. You came into my life at a time where I needed you the most, you have helped me grow in several ways. If I had not met you, I would not be where I am today. When we are done needing that person, they leave and then another person will walk into our lives that we need temporarily, it is a never-ending cycle. Some doors close and others open. In the future, we may need each other again but for now, we mended each other and that is enough.”