Learning to forgive someone is one of the hardest things a person can do, but it makes it even harder when that person is genuinely not sorry for what they’ve done. Maybe they don’t see anything wrong with their actions, or they justify it because that’s really what they believe in. Whatever the case may be, it takes a certain type of strength in order to just let it go so you can move on with your life peacefully.

There are several steps and approaches for forgiving someone who is not sorry for what they’ve done, and none of these steps are easy. What is easy is giving in to your emotions and frustrations and telling them how you really feel, which we know in the end only causes more harm than good. Of course, getting things off your chest is always a good feeling, but it carries the weight of guilt, and regret later on.

So, learn how to forgive someone without aggression, and learn how to let go without resentment.

Be selfish

Forgiving someone is not shaking their hand and telling them it’s okay what you did, it’s telling yourself that they are no longer worth being frustrated over and upset over. Anger boils inside of you like a bad habit and you need to break that fix. Forgiveness should be a selfish thing, and it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.

Stop feeling sorry

What’s done is done. Stop being sorry about it. Regardless of whether you feel sorry for yourself, or sorry for the other person because the situation was unfortunate, just stop. They did what they did because they wanted too, and now it is your time to do what you need to do in order to find closure. Going throughout life feeling sorry for yourself will never push you to be the best person that you can be. You have to find the strength to move on from it. You don’t owe anyone an apology, especially if you weren’t wrong.

Find strength

Find strength in yourself and your surroundings without relying on other people to bring it out of you. Go out to eat by yourself, go to the movies by yourself, go on a run or a hike by yourself. You are your own best friend, and when someone does you dirty, don’t try to find a replacement for them. You will never find another best friend like the one you had, maybe better, but not the same. If you rely on other people to bring you strength, you will always find yourself missing what could have been, despite anything that has happened. It is time to rely on yourself.

Get up. It’s a new day

Stop holding onto the past. If every conversation that you have with someone is about what you’ve been through with someone else, and you constantly feel the need to shame that person or put them down because you’re still holding onto those toxic feelings, stop. Get up. It’s a new day. Brush off the dust from yesterday, get out of bed, and go do something productive that doesn’t involve weeping over what has happened. It sounds like tough love, but you will never move forward if you find comfort in soaking in your own sadness. We have all been there, you can do it.

Be the bigger person

Don’t let anger become your best friend, and don’t let spite become its cousin. Don’t shrink down in size because you are upset, always rise above and be the bigger person.