With a huge smile, a big heart and even bigger hips I walked through life with a lot of positivity. Positivity toward my future, my blessings, and the people I shared this life with, but none toward the reflection in the mirror that stared back at me. I didn’t really like my body and didn’t have a lot of confidence.
I mean I could fake it and act like I loved the rolls and thick calves I had, but as soon as I stood next to my girls and a picture was taken, I was reminded that truly loving myself wasn’t the reality. I tried and tried again with eating healthier and working out, but I could never stick to my goals. Never finishing what I tried to set my mind too just discouraged me more. I mean if I can’t love my body, how would I find anyone that could?
It was the summer of high school graduation and the beginning of many new experiences when God led me to the answer of that question. College was beginning and with finally being the age of 18, the new job I had been waiting for ever since my brother had gotten it, was officially mine. What feels like took two days, took actually two months before this guy I had my eye on at work decided to give me a chance.
It was one night after our shift that I told him everything. Everything meaning how I hated the skin I was in and the mirrors that reminded me of what I looked like. He looked at me and told me “go home and do 50 pushups every night. I’m going to hold you accountable, and first thing tomorrow morning we’re both going to get gym memberships.”
I couldn’t believe how involved he got. He not only supported me but pushed me and held me accountable for my goals, something none of my friends ever came close to doing for me. Don't get me wrong, my friends always would say they were so proud of me for wanting to change and wanted to workout with me, but never committed or checked in to how my progress was going. He stuck by his word because every single day for the next month or so I received a text saying “did you do those pushups (:?” It was nice knowing someone was in it for me and cared enough to get me to where I wanted to be.
He didn’t stop with the actions though. Every day I saw him, he would look me straight in the eye and tell me that I was beautiful and he'd never let me disagree. One year later, 27 pounds down, he still looks at me the same way he did when I carried that 27 pounds with me and never fails to remind me that I am still and always will be beautiful.
I can’t help but look up to God, say thank you, and know one of the many reasons he put this man in my life was to show me that nobody has to be skinny for a person to love them. In this society, it wasn’t easy for me to see that on my own.
To the man who loved me when I didn’t love myself, you mean the absolute world to me and I truly can’t thank you enough for putting a confidence back in my skin I had lost long ago. you've always had my back in this, literally and figuratively. When we went running, you didn't let me stop to walk until we made it to the end of the sidewalk, and until we made it you held your arm across my back to keep me going. I know I complained pretty much that whole time we ran, but I appreciate you never giving up on me. I realize that just because I couldn’t get past the wall of losing weight alone, didn’t mean it was impossible, I just needed a hand and someone who didn't give up on me even when I wanted to quit.
I’m so lucky I get to call you mine. I love you so much more than you know Christopher.
XOXO Lauren
