Focus On Finding Yourself, Not Your Soulmate

Our generation is so often looked down upon for the way we do relationships these days. Yes, I can agree that on some days it is a little messed up. We put ourselves through endless confusion and overthinking because “talking” to someone has turned into an awkward in-between phase. “We’re not dating but we’re more than friends, but we’re not just friends with benefits… we’re talking.” What does that even mean? No one really knows and a lot of times it can be hard on the heart strings.

However, I truly believe that this is the way we do things because this is the time we should be finding ourselves, not our soulmates. If you are one of the lucky ones that does find your soulmate so young, that’s amazing. Keep doing what you’re doing.

For everyone else, how are we supposed to be in a serious relationship with another person when we don’t even really know who we are yet? How can you grow up and go off to college and learn to be independent if you always need to have someone? It is OK to be independent. Just because you are “talking” to someone and you’re not actually dating doesn’t make you promiscuous. In fact, going on dates with several different people used to be the norm. What ever happened to that? Now, if a girl ever went to a movie with John Friday night, but out to dinner with Matt Saturday night, she would be called some nasty names.

Also, if you’re not “talking” to anyone, that’s OK too. Our society has created this expectation that you always need to be with someone (whether you’re talking, dating, or whatever else) or else you should feel lonely and sad. That doesn’t need to be the case. It took me a while to learn this.

I used to be the girl who always had a boyfriend. Most of the time it was the same one. I enjoyed all of my time I spent with him and don’t regret one second of it. However, I didn’t realize until recently that I can be just as happy on my own as I was with a boyfriend. I learned how to appreciate alone time and figure out what I really want to do and who I want to be. I learned you shouldn’t have to look for someone else to “complete” you. You should be full and complete on your own and your significant other is there to make your life a little better and brighter.

This is one of the times in my life when I have been happiest even though I don’t have someone to call “mine”. I have learned that once you can be completely content with who you are as a person without needing the validation of someone else, that is when you are truly happiest.

I guess I’m just trying to say that we should all learn to love ourselves before we learn to love someone else. Focus on your schoolwork. Take care of your body. Read more books. Get organized. You have your whole life to love someone else. Take this time to love yourself.

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